


Then There's This Fairy Tale

by EstherRomanov



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), Disney - All Media Types, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Flirting, Disney Parody, Disney References, F/M, Fairy Tale Parody, Fantasy, High School, I can't tag for shit, Inspired by Alice in Wonderland, M/M, Magic, Sexual Jokes, Strong Language, shameless flirting, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-07-18 02:45:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16109165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EstherRomanov/pseuds/EstherRomanov
Summary: Liam Payne knew better than to follow a white rabbit during prom night. But he still did it, and now he’s sucked into a royal drama stuffed with fairies, knights, wizards, dragons, evil queens, and flying cats.OrThe one where Liam is just a high school student attending prom night, Zayn is a wizard with a talking parrot, Niall is the Cheshire cat who likes flirting with King Louis, Louis and Harry are kings of two warring kingdoms now ready to sign a peace treaty, Ashton and Luke are the kings’ brothers who must marry as part of the agreement, Calum is Luke’s loyal manservant who’s been in love with for so long, and Michael is Liam’s stepbrother back in the human world who must explain to their parents why his brother suddenly went missing.





	1. Once Upon A Time

When St. Margaret Private Academy said they will go all out for this year’s high school prom, they weren’t kidding. With this year’s theme, Disney Fairy Tales, the prom committee went out of its way to make the old smelly gym look like the castle from that fucking opening of every Walt Disney movie. There is a fucking pumpkin carriage in front the gay-ass castle/smelly gym, with seven statues of Snow White’s dwarves and three mannequins of the dumb fairies from Sleeping Beauty. Students in princess and prince attires (Yes, of course, that’s the dress code), line up to take a picture in front before ultimately going inside where Liam and Michael can hear the hired band cover Disney songs. Right now they hear a female voice wailing to the tune of _For the First Time in Forever_. 

And come here, come here. Inside is even more fairy tale-like that will piss the macho men even more. By the door there are the fucking talking pieces of furniture from _Beauty and the Beast_ to greet newcomers (they only made it look like a garage sale, in Liam’s opinion). The punch table offers only variety of apple drinks, behind it is someone paid to look like Tiana from _The Princess and the Frog_. Of course, everyone in the dance floor – oh, excuse me, I mean, ballroom floor – is very colorful that it hurts the fucking eyes. There are two empty thrones in front, to be seated by the prom king and queen, of course, which would be announced later in the in the night. And there is a fucking chandelier! 

“Gaaayyyy…” Liam says out loud as he and his stepbrother scan the gym from inside the family car. 

Michael only shivers. “Gah. I remember every fucking Disney movies my younger cousins made me watch. The nightmare.” 

“Shut up, Liam, Mike. I think this place looks awesome. Back in my day, the prom committee had no budget, compared to this extravagance. We had to dance to fucking Footloose!” Mr. Payne tells them behind his wheel. Beside him, Mrs. Clifford-Payne giggles before taking another picture of her two sons, the flash temporarily blinding Liam and Michael. 

“Have fun boys! We’ll pick you up by ten. No dawdling!” 

“No drinking alcohol!” Mr. Payne adds. 

“No pre-marital sex!” 

“No drugs.” 

“No diving in the school pool!” 

“No pissing off your teachers. Now get out of my car.” 

The stepbrothers hesitantly leave the comforts of the backseat, and just as soon, their father steps in the pedal and races away from the school which is also his alma mater. 

Liam and Michael exchange a look. They so don’t want to be in this place. 

“Fuck it. Let’s just go inside!” 

2 

The girl onstage now sings _Once Upon A Dream_. Liam glares at the coupled dancers on the floor, his ex especially. Look at that Sophia bitch, having a slow dance with that Josh Devine asshole, her head resting on her shoulder. Why, just last week she was giving Liam a _head_ in the men’s room during lunch break, and now? And to think, she broke things up with him just yesterday! What. A. Bitch. 

“Well, looks like everyone is having a good time,” Michael observes, returning from the punch table and giving Liam his drink, in a fucking goblet. 

Liam doesn’t answer, only continues to glare at his ex. Michael quaffs off the apple cider, then gets a finger food from the waiter passing by. He gets his brother’s attention when he starts munching said food. 

“What the hell is that?” Liam says in slight disgust. 

“It’s the gray stuff. Try it. It’s delicious,” Michael answers with a laugh. 

“Fuck that. I don’t want to eat that kind of shit.” Then, after a moment of generation, “Where’d you get that?” 

“Oy, pretty boy!” Michael calls the waiter over. 

Liam gets a hold of one gray stuff while Michael gets two more from the handsome waiter’s tray. 

“It is good,” Liam says after one generous bite. 

Michael is nodding. “Told you.” 

“Here. Give me one more.” 

The young Clifford slaps Liam’s prying hands away. “Fuck off.” 

“You had two already!” Liam retorts. 

“Then call the waiter yourself. I’m not your fucking manservant.” 

Liam looks around wildly for the waiter but when he spotted said employee with Sophia and Josh who are now sitting, he lost his appetite. Michael follows his gaze. The singer is singing _Kiss the Girl_. 

“Shit, man. She got you good, huh?” Michael asks sarcastically. 

“Shut up, Mike.” 

“You want to make her jealous? Let’s dance.” 

“Please don’t make this fucking weird, Michael.” 

“Come on. It’s only one dance. I didn’t blow my date off to share your misery just to stand here looking like a loser without anyone asking me for a dance. Come on, Li. We’re stepbrothers. That’s what stepbrothers do in times like this.” 

“No. They do not.” 

“Well stepbrothers don’t actually make out in bed, but you caught me off-guard that time. You groped my ass.” 

“That was before I found out my dad intends to marry your mom! God, Michael. I’m trying to forget that happened. Good God. It’s gross, thinking about it now.” 

“Why gross? You’re a good kisser.” 

“Ugh. For the love of—just shut up, will you? I know I’m a good kisser. I’m the fucking champ in that one, okay? I’m the fucking berretta. I can win the fucking Olympics with how good I—” 

“Then why did Sophia broke up with you?” He fakes a gasp. “Maybe ‘cause she found out you’re gay.” 

“I’m not gay, Michael.” 

“What’s that?” 

“What’s what?” 

“That look on your face a while ago when you said you’re not gay. You looked really offended. Is it… you know, there’s nothing wrong with being gay, Liam. It’s 2018. The tumblr community is now even defending pedophiles and bestiality.” 

“What? Gross. Yuck. Ew.” 

“See? There? You’re a homophobe.” 

“I’m a homophobe for finding pedophilia and bestiality repugnant?” 

“Yes, you are.” 

“Michael. Go home. You’re clearly a retard.” 

“I’m not. I’m just saying that you shouldn’t find homosexuality disgusting. Gay is okay.” 

“I know gay is okay.” 

“Then why—” 

“Bi.” 

Michael frowns. “You’re leaving?” 

“No. I said bi. I’m bi. I’m bisexual.” 

“Oh.” Michael nods in understanding. “Are you sure you are, though? You’re not a full-blown—” 

“I happen to enjoy blowjobs from both boys and girls in our class.” 

Michael doesn’t take the news lightly. “There are boys in our class who already sucked your dick?” 

“Please don’t say it like that.” 

“Who?” 

“Zedd. Joe.” 

“ZEDD?! JOE?! Who’s Joe?” Liam points to the Alwynn boy laughing with Taylor Swift by the cardboard staircase. “That Joe? Oh, I feel betrayed. Why did you ask them for a blowjob but not me?!” 

“We’re brothers.” 

“Stepbrothers.” 

“As if that makes things better. I nearly converted to Catholicism when I found that dad will marry Ms. Clifford, after our little incident in my room. That’s how guilty I am.” 

“‘Our little’ incident in your room?! You belittle my feelings, Li.” 

“Good God. The night is just starting and now I’m ready to blow my fucking brains out.” He undoes his tie. 

Sophia and Josh return to the ballroom floor again. Liam watches at her. Damn it, he shouldn’t long for her but he still loved her, all right? 

“So you just received blowjobs but—” 

“And just when I thought I’m finally getting a moment of peace!” Liam exclaims, getting irritated. 

Michael is unfazed. “Have you taken a dick in your ass?” 

“You disgust me,” Liam says truthfully. 

“Hey, it was an honest question. Moral code of the bisexuals, number 69. Thou shall only call yourself bisexual if thou both given and received a dick in thy ass.” 

“You made that up.” 

“I made that up. But that doesn’t answer my question.” 

“Did you fall from your crib when you were a child?” 

“If you are asking why am I this promiscuous, it is because I first masturbated while watching Britney Spears’ ‘Toxic’ music video and my mom came barging into my room just after I came on my sheets. I was nine that time.” 

Liam is ready to scream. He should’ve converted to Catholicism when he had the chance. 

“Heaven have mercy. Leave me alone for now, will you, Michael? I need to use the toilet.” 

But before he makes a go to the loo, he sees a white ball of fur bouncing on the ballroom before disappearing in the crowd of high school students. That’s a little weird. 

He turns to Michael in askance. “What do you think that is?” 

“What is what?” Michael asks, frowning. 

“A rabbit, I think,” he answers his own question and points to where he’d seen it. Michael and Liam scan the crowd carefully but see nothing. 

“I don’t see anything,” Michael says. “Maybe they are going for _Alice in Wonderland_ this time but… I don’t see any furry playboy mascot. Are you sure you saw it? Are there drugs on the gray stuff? The principal is going to bust his nuts once he found out what the prom committee had done.” 

“Shut up. It’s a rabbit, you blind pervert, and I – There! There it is again!” He points to the creature hopping amidst the people, going for the gym’s door. The rabbit seems to have sensed Liam for it pauses and stares at him innocently and sniffs in the air. 

“I still don’t see it,” Michael mutters. 

“What? It’s right there! Beside Camilla and Lauren!” 

“Liam, it’s clear that you’re seeing things. You want a blowjob?” 

“Not from you. And I’m not seeing things.” 

The rabbit hops again. Liam realizes it’s going outside the gym. It looks back at Liam as if asking him to follow. 

“Where are you going?” 

“I’ll follow the rabbit.” 

“Don’t. You’re clearly not fine. I’ll call Mom and Dad.” 

“I am okay. I’ll just have to…” he looks at the fluffy animal slowly disappearing from sight. “…follow the white rabbit.” 

“Why?” Michael is begging now, and it is a sight, seeing him unsure and perplexed. 

“Because I have to,” Liam answers simply. 

And with that, he runs outside the castle/gym into the woods behind the school, leaving his stepbrother confused as ever. Liam tosses away his rented coat and tie as he catches up with the tiny creature. He thinks, ‘ _Wow. Yesterday, my girl broke up with me. Today is prom and my stepbrother is driving me nuts, and now I’m entranced to follow a white rabbit. Is this the start of an adventure or insanity?_ The thought process stops when the rabbit enters a hole at the base of a tall elm tree. There is no question. Liam would still follow it. He falls to his knees as soon as he reached the base of the tree. Then he peeks inside. Even with the blinding lights coming from the gym, Liam can only make out an abyss inside. The rabbit must have fallen through. That’s when sanity comes finally knocking on his head. _What am I doing? What will happen to me if I fall? I need to stop this_. 

However, before he can rise to his feet, unknown hands shove him in the hole into the dark abyss. 

Liam lets out a scream in shock and fear. Surely this is death. It is death that awaits him at the bottom of this abyss (if ever there is one). As he continues to fall down, harsh winds passing him, Liam starts to cry. What an awful way to die. He has not said goodbye to his stepbrother, or dad, or stepmom. He’s been an utter fool to follow a damn thing as a bunny. 

Just as when he accepted his fate, he feels that he is slowing down. He looks under him and sees that he is about to land on a tiled floor. He lands on his feet quietly, then looks swiftly around. He seems to have reached a room full of doors. Wooden doors all around him, varying only in colors. Liam glances above to see where he had come from and is astounded when the hole is gone, replaced by a high ceiling with chandeliers. There is no sign of the rabbit. 

_Hang on_ , he thinks wildly. He’s read this before. A story he’d learned from childhood. 

“Alice in Wonderland,” he says out loud. 

“You know Alice?” comes an unfamiliar voice. 

Before Liam’s very eyes, a wisp of green smoke appears. It is expanding exponentially and taking a shape. The smoke finally takes the form of a young man with a blond hair and a pair of blue eyes. He’s wearing a green suit with a red bow tie, a pair of black pants that reach to his knee, white long socks and black shoes. A green top hat rests on his head. Lastly, he has a long green tail that looks like a cat’s. And he’s floating in mid-air. He beams at Liam with a degree of fascination. 

“The Cheshire cat?” Liam asks with uncertainty. 

The floating creature frowns slightly. “I have a name. It’s Niall.” Then he floats closer to Liam, right into his face. “You know Alice? What’s your name, my lad?” 

“It’s Liam,” he answers, voice quivering, becoming more and more afraid with every second. “I don’t know Alice. I’ve just read her in books.” _And watched her movie_ , Liam might have added. _The original Disney and the Tim Burton version_. 

Niall backs away and floats around the room. “Lovely. Where did you come from, Liam?” 

“Up there.” Liam points above. “I’m from Maine. I saw a white rabbit and I followed it… and I ended up here. Tell me this is just a dream.” 

Niall stops in front of a yellow door and faces him. “This is a dream. I said it. But that does not change the fact that this is really happening.” 

Liam pinches himself. 

Niall frowns. “Why aren’t you believing me? Here, let me help you.” He hovers over Liam and slowly drags his cat-clawed fingers on Liam’s cheeks, leaving red marks and itches of pain. “See? Real. It’s all real.” He purrs and tilts his head on a side, watching Liam flinch. “You’re strange,” he observes. Then he smiles. “I like you.” 

“I need to go home. Please,” Liam pleads. “What do I do to get out of here?” 

The cat-human laughs and tumbles in the air. “You’re fascinating and yet stupid. You said you’ve read Alice’s books. What did she do?” 

Liam surveys the place with his eyes. “But where is it? The cake and the potion that’s supposed to make me bigger or smaller? And the key and the small door? I am sure all these doors are locked.” 

“Have you tried them yet? How are you so sure?” 

That begs the question. He looks again at the doors then half-determinedly walks over to the blue one. He takes a deep breath and turns the knob. It opens and gives Liam the view of clouds above and the blue ocean below and the purple mountains on the horizon. Birds fly in every direction and there is a strong breeze. The sun is high, indicating the middle of the day. If he is to step out, he will fall directly into the waters. 

“This is not Wonderland,” Liam says and grips the doorknob tight. 

“No, it’s not,” Niall answers behind him, close to his ear. 

“Can I choose another door?” 

“No. I can’t let you. You’ve chosen already. Face it.” 

“What place is this?” 

“I can’t tell you, either. It will ruin the surprise and spoil the adventure.” 

“How do I get back to my world?” 

“Depends on the lesson you have to learn. Now off you go now, Liam. You wouldn’t want to waste time.” 

“Last question.” 

“Go ahead.” 

“Why exactly am I here?” 

“Because you followed the white rabbit,” Niall replies and without any more warning he shoves Liam out of the door. 

Liam screams in surprise before hitting the water. He sinks but he manages to flail his arms and swim into the surface, coughing water out of his mouth. When he calms down, he realizes he is alone. The door, along with Niall, is gone. 

“Hey! You there!” 

Liam turns behind him and sees a young man standing by the shore. Beside him a dog barks loudly. Liam notices the huge castle behind them. 

“Come here!” the young man commands. 

Liam swims the few distance between them and walks in the shore. 

The young man has an air of arrogance and sovereignty about him. He stands there akimbo while he looks at Liam with both interest and mild contempt with his piercing blue eyes. He is a short boy with tanned skin and dark brown feathery hair, wearing a long-sleeved V-neck shirt, black trousers and boots. 

“Who are you? And did I just see you fall from the sky?” he demands. 

Liam cannot find his voice. 

“Speak when spoken to, stranger, or I’ll have you beheaded.” 

“M-my name is Liam,” Liam stutters, frightened by both the young man and his dog. “Liam James Payne.” 

“How did you fall from the sky, Liam James Payne?” 

“The Cheshire cat pushed me.” 

“That wretch of a cat again?!” the tanned boy grits his teeth. “Bloody hell, he dumped another stowaway here.” 

“Excuse me, Sir, but can you help find a way out of here? My parents will pick me up by ten. It’s prom night, you see—” 

The young man’s glare cuts his request. “You don’t call me ‘Sir’, Liam James Payne. I am the ruler of this kingdom. I am a king.” 

“Yes, Dear King, but can you help me?” 

“Such disrespect you are showing. How dare you ask favors from me. What are your intentions, even?” 

“Listen, you don’t understand—” 

“Now, are you mocking my intelligence?” 

“No, Sir – Dear King – I only want—” he stops when he sees a group of people coming towards them, headed by a small, fat man. 

“King Louis, we’ve been looking for you everywhere,” this fat man says. He sees Liam. “Who is this skinny lad?” 

“Another lunatic sent by the Cheshire cat,” King Louis answers, still glaring at Liam. 

The fat man looks mortified. “Why are you alone with him, Your Highness? He could be dangerous. Guards! Throw this boy to the dungeons!” 

Liam makes a step back. 

King Louis raises his hand to calm his raging servants. “Wait, Lawrence. I don’t think I want to throw him to the dungeons just yet.” 

“Your Highness?” 

“He’s pretty and easy to the eyes, isn’t he, Lawrence?” the young king grins at Liam which flusters the latter. “It would be a waste to send a pretty face in that cold, dark dungeon.” 

“Your Highness, do not trust what you see. That boy, like the other lunatics before him, is dangerous.” 

“Tell us, Liam James Payne, what did the Cheshire cat say to you?” 

“Umm…” 

“Speak up.” 

“Nothing. He just said that there is a lesson I need to learn before I can get back to my world.” 

The guards and Lawrence laugh hysterically at his answer. “See, Your Highness. Just another lunatic. He says he lives in another world.” 

“But it’s true! I live there!” 

“And where is it?” Lawrence taunts. 

“Beyond the skies.” His response results to another feat of laughter. 

“So what do you want to do with him?” Lawrence asks his king. 

“If I may,” a voice says, coming from behind the royal guards. The guards give way to another man in a black cloak with a red parrot resting on his shoulder. The new man bows before King Louis, and strips off his outer coat before stepping behind Liam and covering said black coat around Liam’s shivering shoulders. Right, he’s still wet. Without thinking, Liam pulls the cloth closer to his body. Liam feels comfort when the newcomer started rubbing his back. 

“Move aside, Zayn,” Lawrence snaps. 

The man, now down to a simple black turtleneck and breeches with tight boots as that of the king, ignores Lawrence. “Your Highness, I have some bad news for you… and a suggestion concerning this young man.” 

The King looks pleased. “My ears are open.” 

“Aiden, the servant tasked to look after the Prince Ashton of the Cameron Kingdom starting tomorrow when he and the King Harry come, is gone.” 

“Where is he?” 

“A guard saw him and another figure in the middle of the night, walking out of the castle gate, never returning. I asked the servants this morning and it sure looks like Elizabeth disappeared as well. She and Aiden eloped last night.” 

“Isn’t Elizabeth married?” King Louis asks with little interest. 

“Hence the escape. And so if I may suggest, my dear King, with the fact that every servant will be occupied tomorrow in the arrival of the King Harry and his brother, no one shall be able to attend to Prince Ashton. This man,” he squeezes Liam’s shoulder, “may be of help.” 

“Oh, fuck,” Liam mutters. 

The King frowns. “What is it, Liam James Payne?” 

Liam begins to ramble on. “Nothing, but, seriously, a prince? You’re going to make me take care of a bratty prince? I couldn’t even control my new stepbrother, for God’s sake. What? What am I gonna do with him? And… and… Another king coming here, huh? So it’s politics, then. I don’t like politics. No, I want out.” 

“You talk funny,” the King observes. 

“You just signed your death warrant,” Lawrence says. 

“I am trying to help you,” Zayn tells Liam. 

“Liam James Payne, it’s either you serve us and attend to Prince Ashton’s needs in the next three months, or it’s the dungeons for you,” King Louis says, about to leave now. “Which is it? I hope you’re not as half-witted as you look. I am giving you a chance to live.” 

“Well, when you put it like that…” 

“So, it’s settled. Zayn, look after this lad. Take him to his new quarters. Tell him what he shall do tomorrow. Lawrence, go with me to the library and help me review the treaty. I don’t want to look stupid in front of the infamous Cameron king.” 

And with that, the King along with the stout Lawrence, the guards, and his white dog, leave the premises, leaving behind a stunned Liam and the mysterious man still standing behind him. 

“What the fuck is happening?” Liam thinks out loud. Earlier he was in his prom night, bitter towards his ex-girlfriend and semi-disgusted by his stepbrother making a pass at him, then he ate the gray stuff, then he followed a white rabbit, he met the Cheshire cat, and now he’s here?! Michael was right. The prom committee may have put drugs on the gray stuff. Oh, he’s so gonna sue their asses when he comes back there. Threatened to be beheaded is no fun! 

He notices Zayn is laughing lately. He steps back a little and faces the man. 

“What’s your problem?” 

“Nothing.” Zayn is still laughing, and is that fucking parrot on his shoulder laughing, too? 

“We are on our way on destroying that Lawrence’s reputation. I can feel it, Zaynie. We are close!” the parrot cackles. 

Liam stares dumbly at the animal. “You can talk?” 

The bird doesn’t seem to take Liam’s words kindly. “Hey, watch it, dimwit! What do you think am I? a lunatic like you?” 

“Hush, Iago,” Zayn says, then to Liam, “Do forgive him. He’s got… quite a temper.” 

_What the fuck_. Liam snaps out of it. “Okay. I don’t know if I should be racist for thinking that you’re playing the role of Jafar. What with your costume and your huge ass staff and,” he gasps, “your mission to repudiate Lawrence’s reputation. I knew it! You’re the villain Jafar!” Curse Michael for rubbing his tumblr side on him. 

Zayn frowns. “Who’s Jafar?” 

“Iago’s master.” 

“Oy, birdbrain! Are you spreading rumors here?” is Iago’s protest. 

“I bought Iago when he was still a little chick. There is no way he can possibly serve another master without me knowing.” 

“Shut up. This is _Alladin_. The magic lamp is in here. Maybe I can wish for the genie to take me home.” He looks around. The place does not look like Agrabah, he’ll give them that, and it doesn’t look like it came from Middle Ages Europe. The castle behind Zayn, Zayn, the king, everyone gives an aura of the Victorian era. They are wearing breeches for fuck’s sake! Liam is confused. “What movie is this?” he asks. 

The parrot and his master exchange a look, finally convinced that they are talking to a lunatic. Zayn shakes his head. “Come now, Liam James Payne. We have a long day today. You will receive a few instructions before King Harry and Prince Ashton arrive here tomorrow. Come—” 

He stops when Liam holds him by shoulders and looks him in the eye. “Tell me. I know you know where the magic lamp is.” 

“Get your filthy hands off me,” Zayn spats. “I know nothing of the lamp you speak of.” 

“You do.” 

“How dare you throw accusations.” 

“You saved my life to gain favors from me, didn’t you? I know you did. I know how this goes. _Alladin_ happened to be my favorite movie when I was young.” 

“Zaynie, do you want me to peck his eyes out? I haven’t eaten all day.” 

“What movie? What _Alladin_?” Zayn asks, wildly confused. 

“Pretend ignorance will get you nowhere, Zayn. What do you want from me?” 

Now Zayn smirks, a playful one. He brushes Liam’s hands off with his staff and with his free hand he cups Liam’s cheek and brings his face closer to his. “Well, if you’re so willing to offer yourself to me, why don’t you go to my quarters later tonight and I’ll show you what I can exactly get from you.” 

“Did… did you just make a pass at me?” 

Zayn huffs a laugh, giving Liam a whiff of his breath. 

“Y-your breath is really nice, fresh,” Liam says, like a hypnotized little child struck with wonder. “How’d you do that? I thought there’s no toothpaste during this time.” 

The raven-haired man turns serious again and gently pushes Liam off. “Come now. We shouldn’t be wasting anytime. Before we know it, the congregation from the Cameron Kingdom is now knocking at our castle’s gates.” 

“Okay… uh… can I sleep first though? I’m kinda tired.” 

“It’s the middle of the day,” Zayn points out. 

“Yeah. But back where I came from, its…” he takes a peek at his wristwatch. 

“What’s that?” Zayn asks. 

“It’s a clock. My wristwatch. It’s a device to tell time. What? You don’t use a clock here? How do you tell time, then?” 

“By the shadows casts by the sun and the animals’ behaviors.” 

Liam laughs. “Wow. Victorian era with no clock. You invented everything but not an easier way to tell time? This is really weird. This is like living in a backward world, hey? So how’d you get your breath minty fresh? That part I would really like to know. Wait, we’re getting off track.” He consults his watch again. “I think I may have gone for twenty? Thirty minutes? That means it’s now quarter to nine in my world. It’s night in my world, don’t you get it?” 

“Ah, a time when people should be sleeping,” Zayn says in understanding. “Then how come you look like dressed for a ball? That is not certainly a nightgown. Or is that what you wear in your world when you prepare for sleep?” 

“No. I’m attending our prom night.” At Zayn’s puzzled expression, he explains, “It’s like a dance for high school students in celebration of Valentine’s day.” 

“Who is Valentine?” 

“Beats me. Some saint I think that Hallmark executed on February 14 in order to sell more greeting cards and condoms.” 

“What’s a Hallmark? What are condoms?” 

“You know what, I think we should get going. I still have lots to learn, am I right?” he pulls at Zayn’s free hand which caused a massive reaction from his company. 

“Who said you can touch me?” “Who said you can touch Zaynie?” 

Liam raises both his hands in guilt, dropping Zayn’s cloak in the process. “Fine. Be that way. Though my stepbrother would lose it if I just so much as touch him. Which brings me… What could that asshole be doing now?” 

3 

“And you saw him ran off here when he said he saw a rabbit?” Shawn wants to clarify, for the nth time. 

Michael rolls his eyes. “Yes, asshole. How many times would I have to tell you?” 

Michael and some of his friends are in the woods near the school now, but that didn’t save them from hearing cover after cover of Disney songs. 

They are using the flashlight from their phones to look around their surroundings. 

“LIAM!” Charlie calls out, a little far away from the group. 

“Why don’t you call your parents?” Ariana asks, now tired. She sits by the base of an old elm tree (the same tree Liam fell into), carefully so as not to dirty her red gown. “I would be calling them now if I were you.” 

“He could just be somewhere near, you know,” Michael tells her. “I’d hate to look stupid.” 

“Maybe a prank or a way to escape this shitty ass prom,” Shawn suggests. “Charlie, you idiot! Don’t linger too far from us. We should stick together, asshole! Shit. I’ll just get that idiot.” 

“What if he drowned in the lake?” Joe asks. 

His girlfriend knocks on wood. “Don’t say things like that, Joe.” 

“Sorry, Tay.” He kisses the top of her head. 

“Ugh, go back in there will you?” Michael tells them. “I don’t want to ruin your night on Liam’s sorry account.” 

“Silly Michael.” Taylor smiles. “Liam’s a friend.” 

Joe agrees. “Yeah. He always lends me his notes in Physics and English.” 

Michael narrows his eyes at him, evidently suspicious. “That’s all there is? You’re not concerned about his disappearance ‘cause you like sucking his dick?” 

“What?” 

“You occasionally give him blowjob, right?” 

Ariana covers her mouth when she gasps. To say Taylor is surprised by the news is an understatement. She glares at Michael then turns to slap Joe across his face then stomps off back to the castle/gym where _Let It Go_ is now being sung. 

Joe is just too stunned to move. 

Shawn returns, pulling Charlie by his ear. “What did we miss, guys?” 

“You’re such a jerk, Mike! An annoying rat, that’s all you are! Spreading rumors like that, I hope you go to hell!” Ariana screams at the albino boy. 

“What did I do? I just—” 

“Oh, stop it! You brought that up when it’s not even necessary in our search. You’re a douchebag. A liar! I don’t know why I dated you! I hate you! Joe, what are you doing, you jerk? Follow Taylor now. Don’t listen to this numbskull!” 

Charlie looks up at Shawn. “I think we should steer away clear from this drama.” 

Shawn nods. “Right. Guys? We’ll just go over there. I think we hear Liam’s voice, desperately asking for help.” They run away deeper in the woods. 

Michael faces Joe. “So which is it? Taylor or my brother?” 

The boy makes up his mind. “Fuck you, Michael. It was just one time. You’re just jealous because he asked me, not you. And for the record, what happened between me and Liam is nothing. I love Taylor.” And with that, he sprints, looking for his girlfriend. 

“I don’t know why he couldn’t just deny ever doing it?” Michael asks the girl with him with real wonder. 

“Don’t look at me. I’m done with you. I’ll be looking for Shawn and Charlie now. Stay here and think of the wrong things you’ve done. Repent if you must.” 

And so Michael is left alone, thinking grimly, ‘I’m so gonna get back at Liam when I find him.’ The time is nine-thirty. In thirty minutes, their parents are going to come, and it would be Michael’s doom. ‘Oh, Liam must better prepare.’

END OF CHAPTER ONE


	2. In A Faraway Land

The Prince Luke jumps up when there’s a knock on the door, only lying back down to his bed when it’s his manservant that comes through. The prince, before jolly and laidback, now is faceted with every shade of nervousness and discomfort, ever since he’s heard of the peace treaty. And he himself doesn’t know why. 

“Dinner shall start soon, Luke. You might want to get ready,” Calum tells his master as he jumps in the bed with him. Pretenses have long been forgotten between these two as per Luke’s request. They treat each other as friends and equals in the corners of the prince’s room. It’s only when outside with people watching that they act their status. 

“Have you found out who is the lad Zayn was with earlier in the West Wing of the castle?” Luke asks instead, not so interested in a dinner with his older brother. 

“Sir Patrick tells me he is Liam James Payne. He’s our age. The Cheshire cat threw him here this afternoon, and it was your brother who first saw him on the beach.” 

“And what is he doing with Zayn?” 

“Your brother offered him a job to be Prince Ashton’s attendant for the next three months.” 

“A lunatic for a royal servant? Isn’t that a bit dangerous?” 

“Aiden ran away. There’s no one to help the prince from Ashton. I think it’s the Cheshire cat trying to help our king. Your brother sometimes forgets how to look at gift horses in the mouth. You know that.” 

The prince sighs. It’s true. He can never tell with his brother. Up until now he doesn’t get why Louis agreed with Harry to end the ongoing war between the Cameron kingdom and Atalanta. Well, that would prevent millions of lives from spilling obviously and that is for the greater good of the world but what Luke means is, why now, when Louis proves himself to be quite the military tactician? And with his strength, Atalanta can take on Cameron in half a decade! The decision of peace came out of nowhere. And the way the chancellor and the political advisers look at Luke so suspiciously nowadays, it seems as if he has to play a role in this. Hence, the unexplained nervousness. Well maybe tonight, Louis will finally tell him what’s going on. 

He shakes his head. “How is the lunatic doing then?” 

“I think he’s quite a handful. Too many times I heard Zayn barking some orders at him, and calling him stupid and such. The lunatic doesn’t quite like it, to say the least, and offered to walk out a couple of times. He even called Zayn a ‘know-it-all clown’. It’s the perks of not being bounded by our world’s ethics, I’m telling you. But by God! Never have I heard such a shouting in a room.” 

Luke laughs a little. “Zayn’s always like that to fledglings. You remember what he’s done to you?” 

Calum is nostalgic. “It was the first time our king asked a political adviser to take care of a fledgling, I remember! Zayn is none too pleased for the job, and he took his anger on me! Poor ol’ me. He made me run the barracks, and made me do pushups and curl ups, and weight trainings. It’s an absolute nightmare!” 

The prince rubs a consoling hand up and down his servant’s arm. “Poor you. To think he didn’t even teach you how to greet me properly and how I would like my tea. Our first meeting was a disaster.” 

“Oh, but I didn’t find the physical trainings useless after all, not when you constantly escape from the castle in the middle of the night and I had to follow you and wrestle you back here. Zayn has a sixth sense, it seems.” 

Luke’s mind turns to the arrival of their guests from Cameron in the morrow, then to the young man who would attend the prince. “So brother saved that lunatic’s life, huh? I think it’s the first time—” 

“Second time,” Calum corrects him. “The servants have been talking about a female throwaway that the king spared some time ago.” 

“Where is she? Where was I that time?” 

“You were off in Gwaine’s Knight Academy. And the girl became a servant here, too, but she just disappeared.” 

“Disappeared? How?” 

A shrug of shoulder. “They said one Christmas night, when the servants were resting after a busy Christmas ball, she sneaked outside and then poof! Gone the next morning.” 

The prince takes that all in. “What could have happened? But possibly the Cheshire cat took her back to her world. What’s her name?” 

“I think it was Gigi or something. Somewhat a peculiar name, right? Hell’s bells. Come now, Luke,” he stands up and plods to the prince’s wardrobe. “I think it’s the bells, calling everyone for dinner. You must get ready.” 

With a groan, the prince leaves the comfort of his bed and goes to his manservant who is patiently waiting for him with a dark dinner jacket in hand. With practiced hands, he dresses his naked master. 

Luke looks ahead. “I have a bad feeling with this night’s dinner.” 

“It’s just the cold season coming that’s getting onto you,” Calum replies carelessly. 

2 

“So you call them ‘manservant’? I thought by this time you call one a butler.” 

“A what?” Zayn gives up. No one can stop the hungry curiosity of this lunatic. Liam is recalcitrant, noisy, lacks common sense, and asks the stupidest questions here on God’s blessed earth in expense of time. 

“Butler.” 

“What’s a butler?” 

“A manservant. You call a manservant a butler.” 

Iago looks pained in this exchange. He slaps his right wing to his small head. “Don’t entertain him anymore, Zaynie. He’ll ask more unnecessary questions then we’ll be late for dinner! My teenie-weenie stomach is dying, begging for a new lining of food! And this fool is making me lose my patience!” 

His master ignores his dramatics. “Why call them that when you can call them manservant? That’s what they are.” 

“I don’t know. It may offend their sensibilities or whatnot. Besides, don’t they dress like butlers? What with the tailcoats and gloves and how they carry themselves. They are butlers. Say it with me.” 

“No. Go back to your book. Turn to page 126. Now, what do you do when the prince wants to hunt alone in the woods but there’s a storm coming? It’s in there. The second paragraph.” 

“Butler. B-U-T-L-E-R. Bùt-lur. Or you can silent the ‘r’ like those snotty English people. Bùt-lu. Repeat after me, Zayn.” 

“A big butt! Butt! Butt! Butt! No one wants to hear your opinions on matters, knucklehead! Make this impudent useless rat shut up, Zaynie!” Iago complains. 

“Bùt-lu,” Zayn tries. 

“GAAAHHH!” Iago cries and flies away from the room. 

Liam only laughs before returning to his readings. Zayn looks at him strangely. In this solitary library of the West Wing, his laugh is the only music. 

“Say,” he begins when he is interrupted by Liam himself. 

“This stuff’s boring me. I don’t care what I should do when ‘my prince’ has to poop. As if they need me to do that. All royalties want to escape from rules in exchange for freedom and simple life, am I not right?” He says the last sentence with great distaste. 

“How do you know that? Prince Luke has been accused of that numerous times before.” 

“Watched it in movies a lot. My exes made me suffer through a lot of Hallmark movies.” 

Again, what is Hallmark? “What are movies?” 

“It’s like a theater production but recorded in a tape or whatever shit so it can be mass produced and you can watch it in a movie house or your TV or your laptop.” 

“What is… teevee?” 

“It’s an invention. It’s like a small box with a screen where you can view stuffs.” 

“How does it work?” 

“Forget it. As if I know. How about this? When I discover how I can return to my world, I’ll take you with me. You’re cool enough, I guess. You’ll fit right in. Minus your parrot, I think I can stand you. My world is _glorious_!” 

Zayn is even more confused. “Wh-why’d you want to leave? Don’t you want to look around here? What’s with your attitude? The past lunatics before you are fascinated by the castle and… and everything. You, on the other hand, seem less than impressed.” 

Liam shrugs his shoulders in brazen disinterest and fiddles the loose pages of the tattered book he’s holding. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m impressed, all right. It’s just nothing I’ve never seen before. Last year our class visited the Buckingham Palace. We even met the Queen.” 

“You have a royalty residing in your world?” 

“Yeah. A Royal family which ought to be abolished by now since she and her family turned to just decorations anyway.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“UK has a Prime Minister. He is the head of their government.” 

“Why would the peasants have a Prime Minister for a ruler? Isn’t she a competent queen? Where is her king? Maybe they are unkind to their people, unlike King Louis.” 

“Okay, first of all, your King Louis threatened to behead me. That will not fall in the category of kind, I won’t let it. Are we clear on that? Second. I think her king’s dead? And she should be too soon considering she’s a fucking hundred years old. And don’t tell anyone that I said that. Thirdly, my friend, don’t make this a big deal. In our world there are far more important things than the royal family Hallmark Disney monarchy drama in the UK. It’s better to ignore them. Otherwise you’ll notice how miserable your life is.” 

“Oh, pray tell, what other things are more important than this scandal of listening to a Prime Minister rather than their queen? Enlighten me.” 

“I don’t know… Ebola? HIV? Political correctness?” 

“And those are?” 

“Deadly diseases. I don’t watch the news often, good God. Look, I appreciate that you’re concerned for the place I’m from, although it deserves to get bombed with all the fuckery that’s going around, which might not happen anytime soon considering Kim Jong-Un’s an absolute pussy, but can’t you just shut up? I’m reading here and I don’t want to talk about a disease we got from monkeys.” 

Zayn studies him. “It’s just… you’re different.” 

Liam looks like he wants to puke. “Now you’re making me a heroine of a YA shit. Go on, then. Tell me how special and unique I am then fall in love with me hard. Afterwards we’ll be the perfect couple yet still have a toxic relationship.” 

The political adviser shakes his head. “Unique? Maybe. For what you are displaying right now is a façade, I can guess. Special? If you’re specialties are idiocy, incompetency, and stubbornness and your nose and ‘wristwatch’, I guess you are. Fall in love with you? I don’t do lunatics casted by the Cheshire cat.” 

“What’s your problem with my nose?” he touches said organ consciously, a little hurt. 

“As for the ‘perfect couple’ part and ‘toxic relationship’, I doubt I can even be friends with a dimwit like you.” 

“The insults are unwarranted, just so you know. I’m not paying for that.” 

“ZAYNIE!!!” 

Iago flies back into the room with big flaps of his little wings and runs straight to his master’s chest. Zayn catches him in his hands. 

“What the hell happened to him?” Liam asks. 

Zayn chuckles. “The King again, huh?” 

“He wants me to eat a bucketful of worms!” Iago whines. 

“Isn’t that what you eat?” 

Iago ignores the lunatic’s stupid question and cries some more in his master’s arms. 

“Oh, Iago. Didn’t you think that our King spent his afternoon digging for worms for you?” 

“Eeeek!!!” 

They hear bell’s chiming then, coming from outside that echoes all over the place. Liam looks at Zayn questioningly. 

“That’s the dinner bell. Let’s head out. And after we eat I shall show you to your room.” 

3 

The King is already seated talking to the maids when the prince and his manservant arrive. Exchanging a few pleasantries, Luke takes his designated seat on the right side of the king, helped by his servant. After which, Calum proceeds to prepare his prince’s food for easier consumption. Max, King Louis’ Saint Bernard that Liam saw that afternoon, is happily chomping down his food by his master’s feet, completely undisturbed. 

The King ignores his brother and continues his rant to the maids outright giggling to his face, consternation a thing of the past. (With this king? No consternation can be had, if you can get to his good side, which everyone living in the castle is.) 

“I just don’t get it. What do birds eat if not worms? Zayn’s pet is certainly peculiar. That pest even managed to look disgusted when I presented him my offering.” 

“It is peculiar for sure, your Majesty.” 

“Your Majesty, the Chancellor swears he heard the bird speak once.” 

“Now that is silly, Jade. There’s no way animals can talk.” 

“They could with a little bit of magic,” Luke puts in, making his older brother turn his head at him. “It’s what your friend, the Cheshire cat, does, right? Magic, that is.” 

“Niall is not my friend, Luke.” 

“And yet you remembered his name when he told you to.” 

His brother stares at him in disbelief. Everything turns noticeably quiet. The maids hush and whisper among themselves. Calum quietly pours some sauce over his master’s pork loin. Luke takes note of all these. 

King Louis clears his throat, about to say something. Luke interrupts him. 

“I saw a young man today with Zayn. They were headed to the West Wing. What was that about? Who is he?” Luke already knows, of course. Didn’t Calum tell him all that he needed to know earlier in his room? He just wants to hear it from his brother’s mouth and bide some time before the oncoming doom he feels in his bones. 

“He’s one of the cat’s throwaways.” 

“Don’t call him ‘cat’, Your Majesty. Call him by his name. No one will know that you are quite intimate with him,” Luke teases, which causes more gossip to be whispered between the maids. Calum takes no notice and proceeds to cut the loin. 

“For the last time, we’re not—” King Louis stops to gather his composure. “That’s not what I want to talk about—” 

“What is the throwaway doing here?” 

“He will be Prince Ashton’s attendant. Which brings me perfectly to my next—” 

“Won’t that be dangerous?” 

“Now, did I teach to interrupt your king? You keep interrupting me that I am about to lose my head here. Where are your manners?” King Louis shots him with a glare. “Zayn will see to it that Liam James Payne will be in his best behavior tomorrow and for the next three months, so you shan’t be worried.” He mutters his breath, “Lucky for us he is unlike the lewd bloke Niall threw last summer.” He visibly shudders. Then aloud to Luke he says, “As for you, my brother, there’s been something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” 

Luke doesn’t say anything, only looks at his brother expectantly. 

“You are eighteen now, Luke. You are now in a right age to marry.” 

No, that’s not what the prince wants to hear. He wants to retort at that but the look on Louis’ face makes him bite his tongue. He notices Calum’s face darkens before the manservant goes back to his post behind him and beside the still gossiping maids. 

“Now is a good time as any to discuss this,” the King announces. 

“Why not later?” Luke asks in distaste. “Please, Your Majesty, I don’t want to lose my appetite.” 

King Louis scowls at that. “You will not lose appetite and we will discuss this _now_.” 

“With an audience in here? Shouldn’t we find a more private room?” 

“What’s the need for privacy in discussing your marriage? Everybody knows you will marry soon. Our constituents are deathly anticipating for it.” He sips from his wine before continuing. “You know our history with the Cameron Kingdom.” 

Of course, Luke knows. It’s in every history books. 

Two brothers fought and divided the continent they inherited from their father. One became Atalanta and the other Cameron. Over the ages, the brothers, and their sons, their grandsons, and whatever goes after that, continue to wage the war before them, in the hopes of getting that part of the continent from the other. King Louis should’ve been part of this too if not for the great tragedy that has befallen the Cameron Kingdom. King Nicholas, the king before Harry, married a traitorous woman. Why was she traitorous? She poisoned her husband on the fifth night of their wedding celebration to take a younger lover, Sir Harry Edward Styles, captain of the royal guards. He became king and his queen mysteriously died one morning. The King Harry doesn’t take the war between Cameron and Atalanta seriously, doesn’t respect history much, doesn’t want to be part of it, and it was he who waved the white flag first and offered the peace treaty. 

“So what about it?” 

“New history will be written tomorrow when King Harry comes. You know about the peace treaty and our desire to make it last.” He clears his throat. “And I wish you pose no revulsion in this but, here it goes: King Harry’s younger brother, Prince Ashton, turned of age on the first tide of spring this year, and King Harry and I both agreed that he is the perfect candidate for your marriage partner.” 

At first Prince Luke can’t find his words, only stupidly looking at his brother, wishing the news is just a joke. 

“Are you serious?” he chokes. “You couldn’t possibly…” 

King Louis rolls his eyes. “So much for wishing for no revulsion on your side. Lucas, I am serious. Prince Ashton will stay here for the next three months so you two can get to know each other.” 

“Oh, tell. When did you decide all of these? When did you and that king made an agreement?” 

“It does not matter when. What matters is it did happen. And I’m actually quite relieved that it was he who reached out to me.” 

Luke laughs. “Alright. How am I supposed to produce an heir with that prince, then? We’re both males.” 

“That shouldn’t be a problem for you.” 

“‘Shouldn’t be a problem’? You’re not thinking about the kids from a random orphanage, are you? Then what? You can bear having an heir with no royalty in his blood running around this castle? There would be no more full blooded royalty once that orphan becomes the king! A peasant for a king! Atalanta will fall into a sure disgrace.” 

The king is unfazed by this argument. “I thought of all the people here, you would be the most open to the idea. After all, aren’t you always escaping the castle to feast with the peasants every night? Is this what they call hypocrisy? Am I witnessing it firsthand?” 

Luke looks down to his hands, shamefaced. 

King Louis continues, “I admit, the idea seemed ridiculous at first when I heard King Harry’s proposal. I understand where he is coming from, though. He was a peasant before he became the king of the guards before becoming the late Queen Caroline’s lover before becoming king. And a very capable king he is from the news I’ve gathered. It won’t be the first time if you and Prince Ashton’s adoptive peasant of a son becomes the ruler of Atalanta. King Harry is the first in history. Don’t you think it’s time to end the war with Cameron? Once you two marry, Cameron and Atalanta shall merge into one powerful kingdom. Many lives have already been perished in the past encounters between us and Cameron. It’s time to save what’s left.” 

“And sacrifice my own happiness for it?” 

“Well, aren’t you a sight, my brother? When did you get the idea that this is a good time to be selfish? You don’t want to finish your education in the knight school, you don’t want to take lessons from my advisers, and you rejected Lady Kaaya. Do tell me, what are your plans for your life? What is this happiness that you keep languishing for?” 

“I… I…” 

“That’s right. You can answer nothing. If you just took lessons from Zayn or any of my advisers, you could have answered me with something philosophical and I would be stumped, because I hate Philosophy.” He takes a deep breath. “This is the best time to prove you can do something for our kingdom, your kingdom. This isn’t just about you.” 

“I don’t want to marry. You can’t force my hand. I won’t allow it.” And like a little prima donna in every TV soap opera (which the royalties in this kingdom have no idea about but Liam surely knows a lot of), he leaves the room in a run, followed by Calum. 

Alone in his room, the prince belts a song. 

4 

In the middle of the night, the Cheshire cat appears in Liam’s designated quarters in one of the rowed cottages in the castle’s courtyard. Liam was sleeping soundly then, when he heard someone purring, and he sits up and turns the lamp on, illuminating the once dark cream-colored room. Now Liam’s awake and fully alert. Upon seeing Niall floating in front of his bed in a sitting position, he couldn’t hide his annoyance any longer. He groans loudly. 

“Why now? I’m tired.” 

Niall laughs. “Don’t blame me, Liam James Payne. It’s not my fault that Zayn kept you for so long. I thought he won’t let you go. He must have handed you tons of instructions for tomorrow, huh?” 

“More than that. Look, are you here to take me back? Because if so, then come on!” 

“Why would I take you back? I rather enjoy how your stepbrother reacts. Heavens. The expletives he uses!” 

“Have you been up there? What’s happening back there? To Michael, what happened to him?” 

“He has fifteen more minutes before your parents arrive to the scene. Oh, how he flounce up there in irritation as if he’s a child throwing tantrums! He’s gathered some friends for help. They’re searching through the woods. Your disappearance is causing such a ruckus. The search party is growing by the second. Now it includes your past lover. Her name’s Sophia, am I correct?” 

Liam ignores this information. “Fifteen more minutes?” He looks at his wristwatch resting on the bedside table. The short hand is pointing at three and the long is at five. 

“But of course. There’s a difference on how time passes in your world versus ours,” Niall says matter-of-factly. “Back to your stepbrother, at first he’s pissed at you. He thought your disappearance is just an act. Now he’s worried.” 

“Worried? Him?” 

“Worried sick. You will hate me. Of course you will hate me. Yet I cannot bring you back to your world this early.” 

“Fuck you.” 

“Don’t you just find Atalanta wonderful?” 

“This is the worst place to solve your identity crisis. We had Greek salad and panna cotta for dinner. Afterwards we drank sake. And when I was leaving the kitchen, the bakers are preparing to make scones! I swear, everyone around here can’t decide what nationality they want to be and what timeline they should follow. Everything looks modern or at least belongs in Victorian era, yet people talk and act as if we’re in Medieval Ages! Zayn doesn’t believe me that butler is used instead of manservant. They don’t have timepieces yet here, look, they have a fucking lampshade. Are you listening to me?” 

Chuckling, he hovers above Liam and lands on a spot beside him. “Such a comfortable bed,” he purrs as he squirms, finding a good position. 

“My bed at home is more comfortable. Please, Niall. Can’t you just give me a hint on what lesson I need to learn? I beg of you. I’m so lost.” 

Instead of answering, Niall just gives him a once-over. “Do you always sleep naked?” he asks with a mischievous little smirk. 

Consciously, Liam pulls the covers to his chest. “Problem?” 

“Aren’t you cold? The windows are already wide open and winter will be coming soon. Can’t you feel it? Are you that numb?” 

“I’m not numb! I’m just used to sleeping naked.” 

“Just a warning, though. Servants around here have the littlest of privacy, even during sleeping hours. Someone might come through that door and see you in all your naked glory. Though I am highly dubious if coyness is in you vocabulary. Here,” he pulls a cloth from under his derriere which he had sat on. “Wear this. Oh, I think I remember this cloak from somewhere.” 

Liam grabs the cloak rather harshly from Niall’s hand. “This is Zayn’s. Thank you very much.” 

“How...?” 

“He let me borrow it. When you pushed me into the fucking ocean, I was cold, so he lent me this.” 

“And you’re sleeping with it beside you while naked?” he asks, bewildered. 

“It’s not what you’re thinking.” 

“I’m not insinuating anything malicious. I’m real puzzled.” 

“Fuck you. Just tell me what to do to get home. I’m also lost here, can’t you see?” Liam pleads. 

“Lost about what?” 

“Lost about the lesson I need to learn. I am perfectly contented in my life, okay? I have a lot of friends, not a lot of enemies. If it’s about my ex, I can get over her without this. I know she’s not the only girl in the world. Josh is a nice dude, too. I’m happy for them. If it’s about Michael, I think he’s the one that needs this kind of intervention. Me? I don’t offend anyone on a daily basis and I say the prayers when necessary. My grades in school are all ace and I’m even up for a scholarship in Harvard. So what kind of moral lesson is in here that I need to find out?” 

Beneath the green top hat, Niall’s brows are furrowed. “There’s a lesson?” At Liam’s mouth-dropped, he stammers. “Y-yes. There’s a lesson. Of course. I didn’t throw you here for nothing. It’s not just for my mere amusement. Heh. You… you might think you are contented with everything in your life but you never know. There’s always this missing piece. In time you will discover what it is.” He clears his throat. “Besides, where’s the fun in telling you?” 

“Oh, fuck’s sake. I don’t belong here. Can’t you see?” 

“Hmm… what did Alice do to get back?” 

“Snorted more cocaine?” 

Niall is taken aback by that answer at first, then he laughs loudly. “Oh you poor thing. That’s not what she did! It’s imperative that you think carefully, my boy, and not be childish if you desperately want to leave.” 

So Liam begins to replay the different versions of _Alice in Wonderland_ movies in his head. In Tim Burton’s universe, there was a prophecy. So far, none of the attendants explained a prophecy. Wait. What happened in the original? When Alice met the Red Queen— 

“King Louis had asked you for a little favor, am I right?” Niall interrupts his thoughts. 

“I hate you. I hate him.” 

“Why? You don’t know him that well. You don’t know him at all.” A considerable pause. “Listen. If you do well on your job, which is attending to the Cameron prince just like the king wants you, then I will tell you what you need to do to get out of here.” 

“Promise?” 

“Pinky promise.” 

“Why do you care if I do my job right?” 

“I don’t want my king to suffer such embarrassment because of me.” 

“Your king?” 

A bashful smile spreads on that cat-human’s lips. 

“Okaaay… do I want to know what you are smiling about? Do I want to find out what that petite king is to you?” 

“Maybe you do.” 

“No. I can think of other things. What kind of king is he, who is King Harry, what have Zayn and Iago got against Lawrence…?” 

“In due time, you will know. What else?” 

“And what happened to the other 37 people you threw here?” 

“How do you know you were 38th?” Niall asks with great interest. 

“Iago called me Lunatic No. 38 after dinner. He said the 37th was a “flamboyant man who wore rather gaudy clothes and speaks nothing but blaspheme and sexual innuendos”. When I asked him where that dude now is, he wouldn’t tell me. So, tell. What happened to the others? Where are they? Why do you keep throwing humans here? What did King Louis do to my fellow “lunatics”?” 

“Oh, trifles. What my sweet beautiful king does to your kind generally depend on his mood,” he says almost dreamily that makes Liam sick. 

“What do you mean?” 

“My beloved king beheads them, throws them in the dungeons to die, throws them in the forest to be eaten by wolves and die, or sold them to slavery in the neighboring kingdoms.” 

“You call that sweet?!” 

“My love is quite temperamental at times. But, remember, what he does is for the greater good of Atalanta. That is why he is ready to forget his pride and sign the peace treaty tomorrow with the Cameron king. King Louis and King Harry had hated each other, not just because it is what history dictates, but because of an incident in a ball held by the Braun King and Queen two years prior.” 

“What happened then?” 

“Better not ask me about it. My darling has forbidden anyone to talk of it. Anyway, what happened then doesn’t matter now. The two kings are about to make peace and unite the Cameron kingdom and the holy kingdom of Atalanta.” 

“Unite? How? They aren’t going to marry each other, are they?” 

“Don’t speak of such offensive things. Not them, are you an idiot? Their two brothers will be wedded. Not them but Prince Ashton and Prince Luke.” 

“Oh.” 

“Which reminds me to give you a simple task.” 

“Fuck. All these tasks. What is it?” 

“Keep a lookout for King Harry. He’s young and very handsome and I don’t want such a fine creature breathing around Louis.” 

“Wait, are you and Louis in a relationship?” 

“Yes, but he doesn’t know it yet.” 

“Not to burst your cat-tufty-bubble but I think he hates you.” Liam distinctly remembers Louis calling Niall ‘wretch of cat’ the past afternoon. 

“He’s very lovely like that. He’s cute when he gets mad. You might think he’s all callousness but, dear Lord when time calls for compassions.” There’s a look in his eyes, as if remembering something in the past. “In due time, my darling will notice my advances. He will soften up for me. I can wait.” 

“What did you ever like in him? From your stories he sounds like a barbarian, a sadist… he threatened to behead me!” Liam stops when he realizes something. “Oh, wait. So are you. You’re quite the sadist, too, with how you torture me and Michael and how you like the king when he’s angry. You and Louis belong to each other.” 

“Thank you for acknowledging the truth. I only choose the best. We are soul mates. Oh, have you ever seen him asleep? My beautiful boy looks so peaceful and adorable and harmless and breathtakingly lovely. He looks so weak I can take him in his sleep. He is fitting to bear my little kittens. What a family we would have.” 

Liam looks at him as if he grew two heads, as if he’s seeing this world’s version of Michael Clifford. “I regretted asking. ‘Bear’ your kittens? You’re both males.” 

Niall raises a finger. “Ah. What my magic can do. Isn’t there a term back in your world for what my sweet Louis would be? Mpreg, is that right? Male pregnancy. Just the thought of my love pregnant with my children makes me happy.” 

“Good luck taming a sadistic king.” 

“Thank you,” he says truthfully, not sensing Liam’s sarcasm. He then turns into a wisp of green smoke and goes for the open window. 

“Where are you going?” 

Niall turns to his cat-human self once again. “Our little talk made me want to see him. He might not be glad if he sees me in his room but I just can’t resist. I’ll have to pick flowers first, of course. Red roses are his absolute favorite.” 

“Just… one serious question, ‘cause I don’t want this lumbering my brain for a long time. Are you seriously in love with him? I’m not asking because I think he doesn’t deserve you or because he threatened me. It’s just I didn’t know the Cheshire cat can fall in love with a human. And _he_ is the human that made you fall.” 

“Well,” the cat-human’s eyes soften. “If you must know, Louis saved my life when I was a just a kitten devoid of powers. He’s forgotten about it, through the years, but I couldn’t. That’s why I’m back to his life. Cliché. Is that what your world calls it?” 

“Yes. Cliché.” 

“My orders?” 

“Keep King Harry away from King Louis,” Liam recites. 

“Good. And oh, before I go, I think I need to tell you something quite important.” 

“Ghost stories?” 

“No. I’m not sure if I’m the only one who’s noticed, though I doubt it. Zayn must have too. Why does he choose to spend some time with you if otherwise?” 

“Cut the crap, Meowth. I want to sleep. No more vague sentences, please?” 

“There’s a girl that I threw in here some years ago. She disappeared not because of me but because of a magic that I know nothing of, only that smells of such panache. Zayn was the most affected when she was gone.” 

“So? Should I care?” 

The Cheshire cat frowns. “Idiot. That spells of an adventure right there.” 

“You want me to find the girl, then? Then I can go home?” 

“It depends on you, dimwit. If you want to find her, that’s on you. You have the freedom. I just wanted to give you a side quest, by God. Or a cliffhanger for this episode, perhaps. You spoil everything. You better hope Louis sleeps naked tonight or this bad mood of mine will last until morning,” Niall mutters angrily as he takes his leave. 

And Liam? He thinks of his seatmate in Algebra, Literature, History and Latin. Selena Gomez is a gossipmonger and her gossips consist of things she heard that she misinterpreted or when her 2+2 just comes out not right. More often than not, the gossips are just lies. She didn’t rub off her talent of gossipmongering to him, thank God. What would people say when they see a man with a taste for gossiping? Just imagine that. No, thanks. But because Selena and Liam share four different classes and they seat beside each other, Liam observes the _art_ of gossip. He observes how, when Selena is presented two or more facts, she processes them inside her brain until she opens her mouth to spew an almost credible but always believable story. And almost always Liam guesses right what Selena will share to her loyal listeners. So when Niall says that Zayn was the most affected, his mind goes into Selena-mode and he guesses that Zayn had a close relationship with that mysterious lunatic woman. Hell, maybe they even fucked. Maybe Lawrence had something to do with her disappearance, ditto the need to ruin his reputation. Zayn is a liar, then. He said he doesn’t do lunatics thrown by the Cheshire cat. 

_“Hmmm… intriguing,”_ the Selena in his head says with her thumb under her chin like a true detective, already ransacking her mind for earlier information heard that would help her in the story she’s making. 

Liam looks at where the green smoke has gone, a second, two, then falls back into sleep. Contrary to what Niall wants, Liam still can’t decide if he should give two shits about the given drama.

END OF CHAPTER TWO


	3. There Lived A King And His Brother

Mr. Payne and his missus are late for thirty minutes, and Michael thanks God for that small miracle. Still, though, when he and some of his friends continue to ransack the woods for Liam in that extended time, does it occur to Michael that miracles don’t happen twice. And when the parents are in the gymnasium’s steps, a sweaty Liam-less Michael and a tired Ariana greet them. 

Mrs. Clifford-Payne is delighted upon seeing the girl, of course, and asks her what has happened that made her want to date her ‘idiot of a son’ again. 

“Oh, no, ma’am,” Ariana denies, trying to be polite in her words. “It’s not what you think. I’m sorry. But we’re good friends.” 

The mother glares at her son as if saying, ‘It’s your fault. How idiot are you that you let this wonderful girl get away?’ 

Michael has other things in his mind, doesn’t even what his mother’s glare means. “Mom! Dad! Is it really time to go? We’re not kids anymore! You’re embarrassing us! Geez, we’re not even halfway through the night. We haven’t even elected the prom king and queen!” he complains, hoping, hoping that his parents will give him this just this once and they would drive away, so he would have more time finding his stupid stepbrother. 

“What? Are you thinking you’ll be the prom king? You wish,” Mr. Payne deadpans. 

Ariana, ever the wonderful girl, tries to help her ex-boyfriend. “Well, Mr. Payne, I kinda have to agree with Michael. It’s only once in a lifetime that we can attend prom. Can’t you let him stay? And sir, I think both of us have a high chance of becoming king and queen of the night.” She loops her arm around Michael’s and pulls him close for the show, a fake smile plastered on her innocent face to fool the adults. 

Mrs. Clifford-Payne falls for it. She practically squeals at the sight of Michael and Ariana standing close like that. She takes a photo of them using her phone, the flash making the two young adults close their eyes in the picture. “Oh, Joseph dear. You heard them. My son will be prom king!” 

“Didn’t you already students up for running for that title?” Mr. Payne asks a little harshly. 

“This is a free country, Mr. Payne. The students can vote whoever they want,” Ariana lies through her teeth. 

“Dear,” Mrs. Clifford-Payne nags. 

Her husband rolls his eyes. “Fine.” 

Michael can’t believe his ears. His stepfather relented? Miracles _do_ happen twice in a row. Let it be said that he never let go of his faith to the God Almighty. The Nanana part of _Hey Jude_ is already playing in his head to commemorate this triumphant moment. He doubted Ariana’s powers too but now, oh my. He’s going to owe everything to her. He might even treat her to KFC later. 

“We’ll just have to wait for you in the parking lot.” 

_Wait. What?_

“Wait. What?” 

“We’ll wait for you in the parking lot.” The stepfather takes a peek at his watch, his next words reeking of impatience and insensitivity to his son’s plight. “It’s 10:47, anyway. Your prom shall be ending soon.” 

“Mom! Dad! We’re not kids anymore!” Michael whines. “You’re embarrassing us. Go away! Go home!” 

“Why, this little punk—” Mr. Payne seethes. 

“Dear, take it easy,” his wife says. “Michael, honey, we’ll just be in the parking lot. Your friends won’t see us, if that’s what you’re worried about. I know you don’t want stage parents.” 

Michael thinks hard. Is the parking lot far enough from the woods? He thinks it is. They could search again for Liam with their parents no whit wiser. “Thanks, mom,” he grumbles. “You go now. You’re embarrassing me in front of Ariana.” 

The girl just smiles. 

Mr. Payne looks behind them to the inside of the gym. The paid singer is taking a break and so the band is playing the _Kingdom Dance_ from _Tangled_. 

“I don’t know what your son’s problem is, Laine. Almost half of the students already went home. See? The gym’s half-empty.” 

“You’re right, dear. Aren’t they interested for prom king and queen? Michael?” 

Shit. In truth, half the students are in the woods, looking for his dimwit brother. All of them are his friends or Liam’s friends. Some are teachers, too. Curse the Payne-Clifford brothers for being likeable and friendly. 

“Good God. Just tell them, Michael,” Ariana whispers to him. He gives her a silly look. 

Mr. Payne is still scanning the little crowd inside. “Where’s Liam, though?” 

“Liam? Oh, he’s with his friends. No worries,” Michael says. 

“Where?” 

“There. Geez, I don’t know. I’m not my brother’s keeper.” 

Mrs. Clifford-Payne gasps in shock at that bible reference. “Michael, what did you do to your brother? Where is he?” 

“I don’t know. Ouch!” Ariana digs her nails in Michael’s arm, giving him a glare. “Just tell them,” she says. 

“Tell us what?” their parents are starting to panic now. “Oh God, don’t tell me he’s engaging in premarital sex right now. Dear Lord!” 

“No, Mom! He’s with… Sophia,” Michael continues lying. 

Mr. Payne doesn’t buy it. “That bitch who broke up with my son? As if. My son has great pride, you know. It would take more than a pretty little dame who haul hearts and spoil them like export goods to fix a broken man’s pride.” 

“Joseph, don’t call girls bitches. That’s very sexist,” Mrs. Clifford-Payne chides him. 

“I will call anyone who messes with my son anything that I want.” 

“You’re just angry because it’s a female mind that outwitted your son. I’m sure this will be a different story if it’s Liam who broke up with Sophia.” 

And Michael truly wishes that his parents would continue their fight right there and they would forget asking about Liam’s whereabouts. Oh Liam is sure gonna get it when Michael finds him. 

Charlie and Shawn suddenly appear with Liam’s coat and tie, though, negating Michael’s wishful thinking. 

Shawn says, “Hi, Mikey. Isn’t this Liam’s? We found this by the gate. The wind must’ve—Oh, hi Mr. Payne, Mrs. Payne.” 

“So you finally had the guts to call your parents and tell them what happened?” Charlie grins. 

“Why? What happened? Why did you find Liam’s coat there?” Mr. Payne inquires the newcomers. 

Shawn and Charlie exchange a look, then turn to their heels to run. But Mr. Payne quickly catches them by their necks. 

“Come here, you two. What happened to my son?!” he almost growls. 

“Ask Michael, not us!” Charlie chokes. 

“Liam disappeared, all right!” It’s Ariana who finally shouted out the truth. She’s had enough. Everyone looks at her in shock. “Michael here said Liam saw a white rabbit earlier and now he’s gone after he followed it in the woods. God, I don’t know what’s so hard on telling what really happened.” 

Mrs. Clifford-Payne is in deep shock. “Liam is… missing?” 

“Yes, ma’am. We’ve been searching for him the past hour. Everyone is out there looking for him. Even the teachers and security personnel. Still, no sign of him,” she reports sadly. 

That does it. Mrs. Clifford-Payne gives one last glare to Michael before succumbing to unconsciousness. Luckily, Ariana and Michael are able to catch her before her head connects with the ground. 

Mr. Payne is seething. “For God’s sake, Michael! Why didn’t you tell us sooner, huh? What good will it do? WHAT WOULD IT FIX? WHY DIDN’T ANYONE CALL ME? WHAT KIND OF SCHOOL IS THIS?!” 

“I’m sorry, okay!” Michael cries. But Mr. Payne had already fished his phone from his pocket and is already dialing. “Look, I already tried calling Liam’s phone. A million times! Still nothing! There’s no—” 

Mr. Payne holds up a finger to hush him while he’s put the phone to his ear. His stepson’s right, though. “His phone is off.” He tries again and again and again. While Ariana is fanning his wife, Michael is crying like a fidgeting baby, and Charlie and Shawn are phoning an ambulance, Mr. Payne dials his son’s number again. 

2 

“Here. The maids found this while washing your clothes yesterday.” 

Zayn hands Liam his phone in the latter’s quarters in the castle. Liam is already dressing up for the people that should arrive in an hour. Zayn is helping him. 

Liam holds up his phone and looks at it hopelessly. “Oh, man. Look at this. I thought this is water-proof?” He tries turning it on. “Fuck. Just one dive in the ocean and it’s done for. One of those times technology fails you. Great.” He tosses his phone to his bed. “Well, fuck you too, Steve Jobs. Welp. I think I couldn’t even use that here. Does this place have signal?” 

Zayn just stares at his face blankly, unimpressed. “I don’t have any idea what you are rambling about.” He holds up a piece of clothing. “Stand up straight.” 

“Hey, I know how to tie a knot,” the younger boy complains. 

With one glare, Liam shuts up and stands up straight while his ‘tutor’ ribbons the necktie around his collars. 

Iago inspects Liam’s phone closely and pecks the screen a couple of times. “What do you call this thing, Liam?” 

“It’s called a cellphone. You use it communicate with people. Like, you can send them messages with that, call them…” Liam is trying to explain while trying hard to breathe because of Zayn’s proximity. 

Zayn takes no heed of Liam’s uneasiness. Now he pulls a plain gray waistcoat. 

“Send messages? Like letters?” Iago asks. 

“Yes. But the messages arrive faster.” He tries glares at Zayn. “Now I know how to put on a waistcoat. Here, give me that.” 

The political adviser bats Liam’s prying hands away and he drapes the waistcoat on his back before pulling his arms into the holes where they should be, (so as like treating a child), and pulls the coat close. Then he continues to button it up. After which, he pulls down the hems of the white shirt under the waistcoat for better fitting. 

“Sort of like messenger doves?” Iago asks again, trying to distract himself from the sight of his master standing _intimately_ close to a lunatic. 

“Faster than that. Hey now, I can put on a tailcoat on my own. Will you please—Ugh.” His demand falls on deaf ears again as Zayn does the job for him. The raven-haired even pats him in places and smoothens down the creases on the sleeves. He stands back to study the job he’s done. He even looks real proud. 

“Why don’t you finish the job and fit me my gloves?” Liam asks sardonically. 

“That I shall.” Zayn picks up the white gloves from the bedside table. “You can keep your wristwatch with you. I guess it does look fitting with your gear. There. What soft hands. Don’t you ever work? Are you possibly a loafer?” 

“I’m still student, mind.” 

“Don’t pout then. Done. Does it fit?” 

Liam clenches and unclenches his hands then shrugs. 

“Listen now. In here, with Iago and me you can be your recalcitrant spoiled childish self. But outside, in King Louis’ presence and with the prince you are going to attend to, I want you to be a gentleman. You should be elegant, graceful, respectful. You should act accordingly and always find the right words to say.” 

“So like a butler?” Liam teases. 

In his amusement, Zayn actually smiles. “Yes. Like a butler.” 

A little taken aback by that sweet gesture, Liam doesn’t let himself on. “Don’t worry about me. I’ve watched a lot of movies before so I know how this whole thing works.” 

“I hope you’re right. The lunatics before you didn’t take seriously the tasks given to them so they had to face severe punishments.” 

“That depends on the king’s mood. Niall told me so. He visited me last night. Don’t worry. I promise I won’t mess this up.” _Especially that I’ve been given a side quest that would ultimately help me find a way home_ , Liam mentally adds. 

“Who’s Niall?” 

“The Cheshire cat.” 

“That cat has a name?” Zayn asks. “All this time I called him Puss in my head. And he also visited you? That’s odd. He usually doesn’t care for the lunatics he threw here.” After appearing to be thinking for some time, he lets the information go. “Let’s head out to the throne room. Iago, let Liam’s ‘cellphone’ go. I’m sure you don’t eat it that stuff.” 

Liam braces himself. “So this it. The moment of truth.” 

“Not really,” Zayn says as he checks himself in the mirror, holding again his staff in his left hand. Iago flies to his right shoulder. Zayn has a new red cloak on. The black one is still buried somewhere under Liam’s sheets. “For all we care this could just be another day for us in the palace,” Zayn continues. 

“What do you mean? The Prince is about to meet his fiancé, right? Wedding usually signifies a new life.” 

“Right. But didn’t I say before that Prince Luke has been accused of being ungrateful to his roots. He doesn’t want rules and he wants freedom. You attested that. Most certainly he doesn’t want to get married yet. He might do something again that will ruin his brother’s plans for him, like that time with Lady Kaaya.” 

“What did he do?” 

“He pretended to be autistic and he threw a fake tantrum during dinner, saying he does not want to marry a lady who looks like a cross between an ogre and a jellyfish. Then he accused her of filching his fine socks. And she was the only lady who was interested in a prince who didn’t finish schooling.” 

“Your prince is a bitch,” Liam comments. 

“Bitches are for female dogs only, Liam,” Zayn says. “Anyhow, we can hope that King Harry’s intentions are stronger than Prince Luke’s resolve. Otherwise the peace between Cameron and Atalanta will not last.” He opens the door and motions to Liam with his head. “Come. We, of lower status than that of a king, should have no right to keep them waiting.” 

Liam walks out the door and makes some steps before he stops. 

“What’s the matter?” Behind him Zayn asks in worry. 

Liam turns to him and looks down to his crotch, worry and discomfort written all over his face. “It’s tight,” he comments of the trousers he’s wearing. 

Zayn follows Liam’s gaze to the boy’s crotch, and then peeks around his buttocks. With mischief Liam didn’t know he possesses, Zayn says with a smirk, “I bet you are.” 

The throwaway is as red as a tomato while Iago almost dies of laughter. 

3 

Surely it must’ve been a good day to step outside the walls and feel the sun warm your skin in the green courtyard. But Prince Luke has no more will to do so than to wait the knocking on his bedroom door for Calum, who shall tell him of the Cameron king and prince cum his fiancé. 

Luke would do so well in an angsty-ridden TV drama, if he knows what it is. But this matter is serious. He’s just eighteen, an age when all of us haven’t got the slightest idea what to do with life and where do we belong. And his brother is asking him to give up his freedom and be an adult by marrying a teenager like him! 

He’s given up his life now. Zayn, Iago and Liam are expecting he’ll show up in the room with an antic that will ruin the treaty, but he hasn’t prepared any. He had planned to escape the night before, escape like what Aiden and Elizabeth did, but his brother is one step ahead of him as guards are all over the castle last night! 

There’s also no way he can approach his brother and confess what he truly feels in this entire scenario – you know what they say about good old open conversations that should solve all your problems – but as he found out from Calum this morning that Louis is in no good mood for talks that day. The Cheshire cat apparently visited him last night complete with flowers and serenades. Of course, Louis just had to be offended by that. 

So now Luke has resigned to his brother’s wills. Go with the flow, face the music… half-heartedly. He will deal with this early rise to maturity with elegance and proper behavior befitting of an Atalanta prince. 

At noon, Calum knocks on his door. The Cameron royalties has come and he is to greet them with the Atalanta congress all waiting in the throne room. 

Calum dressed him in one of Atalanta’s finest coats, made especially for this day. He was quiet all throughout, sinisterly quiet still when they both stride to the throne room. 

They are all already there, Luke notices. King Louis is already seated to his throne looking impatient while the Chancellor Lawrence is trying to get him to react with whatever grand opinion he has on some subject. On the right corner of the room, a long seat is placed where the Council is in the moment. Sir Patrick Q. Waynewright, the head political adviser, is amongst them, looking displeased again with the display of Lawrence “taking his position away from him” as he should be the one standing beside the king. Also with them is Zayn, and the parrot that never leaves his shoulder. The mysterious political adviser is fixing the coat’s buttons of the Lunatic – Liam, Calum told him earlier, the name is. Liam looks both amused by what Zayn is doing to him and nervous by the arrival of another royalty, Luke can tell as much by watching him. He knows he can tolerate this Lunatic. Heck, maybe he can even befriend him just to piss off his brother. 

He makes his way to his throne, a smaller one on the left side of the king. He gives his brother a trite smile, hoping that that small gesture can evince his disapproval of his impending doom. In return, Louis to him looks indifferent, giving the sense that he’s also tired. Luke ignores this minute detail and takes his seat, Calum standing beside him. With straight posture and head held up high, he waits the opening of the double grand doors. 

A music starts to play from somewhere in the distance. 

4 

Liam hears this music and he whispers to Zayn, “Am I seriously hearing people singing outside?” 

Zayn gives him a look that says Liam is being an idiot again. “They have arrived. What do you think that music means?” 

Oh, yeah. Liam has forgotten that he’s transported to Disney/Hallmark world. He has to pray later tonight that he won’t start singing out of the blue soon and fit right in with these Disney characters. 

The music and the march of a band are getting louder, nearer, reaching a higher tempo. With a loud beat of a drum, the throne room doors opens, revealing diverse characters, (monkeys, lions, vaudevillian girls, children in choir suits, many others). It all makes Liam jump a little. 

_“Bless, a marriage is in bliss,_  
_Today, Cameron has announced that this_  
_Shall be the day Atalanta is pleased.  
_Hear the bells, La-la-la, we mean peace,  
_Welcome us brothers,  
_We have arrived!”____

____

____

Oh, dear Lord. 

The choruses of the signing guards end with a loud bang. And their animals and girls and children and pianists and violinists and drummers retire, gone to wherever they came from, leaving only two men who Liam can tell is the king and the prince – come on, he is not an idiot. They have their crowns in their heads – and ten knights behind them. Now these merry Cameron company starts to walk towards King Louis and Prince Ashton as if no musical number ever happened. Meanwhile, Liam is still standing with his jaw dropped. Iago has to smack his head upside down to get him back to his senses. 

King Harry holds out both his arms in a friendly gesture. “Louis,” he says affectionately. 

King Louis leaves his seat to receive that warm hug. “Harold,” he says. 

Liam rolls his eyes. _‘Wow. True hideous politicians, they are.’_

The taller king even puts a kiss against the shorter ruler’s temples, which made King Louis laugh a little. Beside them, Prince Ashton smiles at the sight, while Prince Luke looks like he wants nothing to do with any of these. 

These little observations make Liam’s eyebrows furrow. King Harry is tall, Prince Ashton is short. King Louis is short, Prince Luke is tall. They should’ve switched brothers to make this more believable to Liam. 

King Louis holds the other king at arm’s length and looks both at him and the young prince. “King Harry, Prince Ashton, I welcome you both to Atalanta only with the warmest of hearts.” 

The addressed bow their heads. “Thank you. The pleasure is ours,” says the Cameron King. 

“I am glad to be here,” Prince Ashton says with the biggest smile. 

“Luke. Come here,” Louis calls. 

Prince reluctantly leaves his seat and goes over to his brother’s side. He bows his head and gives a measured smile to both king and prince. 

“Allow me to introduce my brother. This is Lucas Ambler Hemmings vi Tomlinson IX.” 

“A fine young man,” Prince Harry comments. “I say he’s taken after you.” 

“Nonsense. I am only he’s brother, you’ve forgotten. He’s taken our mother’s loveliness, in fact.” 

“Ah. Prince Luke, allow me to introduce you to your future better half. My brother, Prince Ashton Braun Cameron van Styles.” 

“Hello,” Ashton cheerfully says. “How do you do?” 

Luke respectfully bows at him and with the most forced of all forced smiles, says, “Am pleased to meet you.” 

“I’ve made this for you this morning.” Ashton holds out a pink box shyly, like a blushing schoolgirl. “Chocolates from Cameron.” 

“My brother has taken a liking in cooking and baking.” Harry looks at Louis as if daring him to say something spiteful to this usually feminine trait. 

Louis, however, is dismissive. He is impressed. “Oh, cooking. The one trait which I long to have. But of course I will tell you the time when I tried my hand in pancakes. What mayhem I’ve caused! But we’re taking too long, you must be tired! Where are my manners?” He looks over his shoulders. “This is my council and my chancellor, which I will introduce to you later when we’re reading the treaty. Zayn, Liam.” 

All right, Liam can do that minus anxiety. Introductions only, would be no pushover. He just needs to keep his mouth shut and everything will be abreeze. 

Both walk forward beside the king and prince in front of the Cameron royalties. 

“This is one of my revered political advisers, Zayn. And this is one of our servants, Liam. Zayn shall show you to your room, Your Highness. And Liam—” 

Ashton speaks up. “Actually, I would like to step outside, view the sceneries for lil’ bit. I heard you have a wonderful flower garden in your palace. I love to see white roses.” 

Louis smiles at him. It seems he’s taken a liking to this young lad. (Liam does, too. Ashton acts like the way he looks: he’s cute and sweet. He’s like the perfect baby brother one can wish for). “Of course, you can. This is Liam. He shall attend to you should you need anything. And Luke, my dear brother, why don’t you show Prince Ashton around? Walk him around, will you, and get to know each other.” 

And before Liam knows it, the four of them (him, Ashton, Luke, and Calum) are ushered outside the throne room. It is only when he and Calum are trailing behind the two princes in the vast garden of the palace does he remembers Niall’s simple task: make sure King Harry is away from King Louis. 

5 

And so Calum and Liam watch Luke and Ashton from afar. The latter two are seated by a bench near the courtyard’s lake, talking in low voices. This job is no pushover either. The sun is hot, but the air is getting chilly, a perfect combination and a fine reason to stay outside. 

Liam doesn’t know if he should strike a conversation with his “co-servant”. He wants to, but it seems Calum is using all of his energy to stare at the beautiful picture that is Luke and Ashton sitting by the goddamned lake on a lovely afternoon. Liam dismisses this as nothing but severe dedication to a job. 

“Aren’t they a sight? I’m sure you’re hoping your prince doesn’t fuck this up,” says he to try for a conversation. “I’m Liam, by the way. You’re name’s Calum, right? Zayn told me.” 

Calum gives him a mere sideway glance before his eyes are trained again to the two royals. “So why the need for introduction when we’ve already known each other’s names? Sir Patrick told me yours.” 

Liam feels like shooting his middle finger at him. Curse him for thinking that this fairy tale land only consists of friendly characters. Do rude people like this one exist in such a Disney world? He tries to think in his head which character in the Disney movies this Calum dude is playing, but he comes up with nothing. _A manservant? Isn’t that Merlin? Does King Arthur’s tale have a Disney adaptation? I think it has. But I’ve never seen it. Now, I’m fucked._

“You’re one of the cat’s lunatics, am I right?” Calum suddenly asks, eyes still not on him. 

“Dude, I have feelings too, just so you know. Don’t you be calling me a lunatic. I’m perfectly sane. And I don’t want ending up in your world either.” 

“And how is your world compared to ours?” 

“What?” 

“A lunatic like yourself some time ago expressed disgust when she found out that two people of the same sex can marry here, only problem being how they would contribute to the increase of population. She highly believed that to think nothing is wrong with two men or two women being together is an esoteric belief for ‘sinful beings doomed straight to hell’, those were her words. Liam, what do you think of these two princes together?” 

“Hey, you have no problem with me. I’m perfectly fine with them marrying. I myself had been with other boys back in my world. You can stop being a social justice warrior, for heaven’s sake. Geez. However…” 

“However, what?” 

“An arranged marriage?” 

Calum perks up at that. He looks at Liam with wide eyes. “You… you don’t like it?” _either_ goes unsaid. 

“I don’t know. If it means world peace then hooray, I guess. But based on movies that I saw, arranged marriage usually does more harm than good. Well but it also depends on the movies, you see. If the main characters are soul mates. You usually end up with your soul mate in cheap cheesy movies. But here Prince Luke has responsibilities and… Fuck. I give up. Don’t ask me. I have no opinions on the matter.” 

But Calum holds onto that one word. “Soulmates.” 

Liam is thoughtful “You know, semiotically speaking, and I’m not being a bigot in this, if they want to make Cameron and Atalanta unite, make them one, make it last, get something as an insurance for this peace – so I supposed they meant a child born from this political marriage as a symbol that the two kingdoms indeed has become one – how would they do it if both parties are males?” 

And again, Calum jumps at that. “That’s what also Prince Luke pointed out to his brother yesternight! King Louis had advised for adoption but isn’t that an insult to the peace between the two kingdoms? A peasant for a king? Isn’t that an insult?” 

“Why don’t you try for surrogacy?” 

“What’s that?” 

“Well, they can donate their sperm to a woman. When she gets pregnant, the child is theirs. But since I think there’s no hospital here with the needed equipment for that to happen, either prince can sleep with the woman. The idea is still there.” 

Those apparently are the wrong words to say, for Calum’s face darkens. 

“Do you think so lowly of a woman that she would let herself be an incubator? What do you think of women here? Wombs for hire? And my prince. Sleep with a woman he’s not romantically tied to just to bear a child!? 

“Relax. I’m sorry, okay? That’s how we do it in our world. And it’s usually done with consent! With consent, I promise you! I’m sorry, I’ll shut up now. I’m sorry.” 

Liam could’ve told Calum about Niall’s proposition on male pregnancies. Didn’t Niall say that with a little bit of magic he can make Louis pregnant with his babies? But since Liam is convinced Niall reserves that magic for Louis alone, he keeps his mouth shut. He also doesn’t think that people here will appreciate Niall’s help. They already hate the Cheshire cat as it is. 

A quacking noise from above makes the two servants look up. It’s Iago, circling the air above them before making a careful landing on Liam’s shoulder. The boy is freaked out. Calum looks at them both with mild confusion. His earlier anger dissipates upon this puzzlement and consequently saves Liam from his fanaticism. 

“Funny,” Calum says. “I’ve never seen that bird on someone else’s shoulder other than Zayn’s.” 

Liam just laughs awkwardly. 

Luke suddenly calls for Calum. While the servant attends to his master, Liam glares at Iago. 

“What are you doing here?” Liam asks the parrot on his shoulder, not loudly as to not let anyone hear of this conversation. 

“Zaynie asked me to look after you. Lest you would do something stupid and blow our cover.” 

Heaven and hell. In other situations, Liam might be touch by Zayn’s concern but right now he’s irritated of how he treats him like a baby. He’s doing fine, at least according to himself. He decides he and Calum can be cool. 

“Go back. I can look on my own.” 

“As if.” 

“Where are King Harry and King Louis then?” 

“With Zaynie in the library.” 

“Are they being professional?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Nothing.” Liam shuts up. It’s not like he can trust Iago with Niall’s secret. In _Alladin_ , Iago is bad. But now here’s the thought. He can’t look over King Harry and King Louis with his goddamned job here. He needs someone’s help to keep an eye on the green-eyed king from Cameron. (Segue here. Can Liam just point out how Niall is right when he said that Harry is one fine creature? The man is Apollo! Assuming that Apollo of course has slick black hair and green eyes. Anyway, Niall has a right to feel threatened, especially that Liam observed earlier the chemistry between Louis and Harry. Okay, end segue.) 

“What do you mean by ‘acting professional’, lunatic?!” Iago asks again, both of unnoticing Calum’s return. 

“Did I just hear that parrot talk?” Calum asks quizzically. 

“What? You don’t know that he can?” With quick thinking, Liam adds, “I mean, didn’t Zayn tell you that he taught Iago how to talk? Birds are more intelligent than you give them credit for. They can be taught a lot of things.” 

“Really? I wouldn’t know what Zayn does. He usually keeps to himself. Mystery always in perpetual motion, some elders might say. And Iago just sticks with him. Iago must’ve taken a liking on you, then. He usually doesn’t leave his master. You’re with Zayn all afternoon yesterday, am I right?” 

He proceeds to pet Iago’s small head and feed him with one of the chocolate balls Ashton made, which Iago ate gratefully. Luke had asked him to take that box of sweets to his room. Luke had told Ashton that he would eat it later. Calum knows he’ll throw it; Luke doesn’t have a tooth for sweets. That fact alone makes him glad. 

“Make him say something again,” he requests of Liam. 

Liam looks at Iago with pleading eyes. Iago looks at him back with murderous glint. 

“Lunatic! Lunatic!” Iago says. 

Calum is aghast. “Is that all what Zayn taught him to say? How mean.” 

“Liam is tight! Liam is tight!” 

“Iago, shut the fuck up!” 

“Liam is tight! Lunatic! Lunatic! Liam is tight!” 

Calum is laughing. And it’s somewhat bizarre; Liam didn’t think Calum knows how to laugh gaily and on such a silly subject at that. But he’s laughing at the wrong things, and Iago still hasn’t shut his trap. Just like that, Liam wants a roasted parrot for dinner. 

6 

“It looks like they are having fun,” Luke observes his manservant and Ashton’s with Zayn’s pet bird. Now he wants to join their fun. Being with Calum usually is enjoyable. 

“I bet,” Ashton says mirthfully. 

Luke looks at Ashton. It’s true that the boy is charming and his big smile is infectious. So like a sweet innocent flower. He can tell that they can be good friends, and these next three months won’t be so horrible after all. Still Luke can’t see himself marrying this boy. He doesn’t see himself marrying at all! 

“Don’t you want to rest?” he asks Ashton. “I really enjoy our talk but there will be a dinner held in your honor later tonight. I insist you rest. I can call for Liam.” 

Ashton just hums and closes his eyes. 

Worrying that he might sleep right there and then, he turns to shout Liam’s name but a tight grip in his hand makes him stop his words. “Ashton?” 

Ashton’s eyes are now hard, effectively taking away all of his soft features, making him look like a stranger. “Do you know that I’m friends with Lady Kaaya?” 

Luke can’t find his speech. Where has his sweet fiancé gone? 

“And from her I know you don’t like sweets. Most likely you would let your servant there threw it away. Still, I made those god-forsaken chocolates just for this show,” the Cameron Prince continues in a tone and with a face so far from the sweet being that he was before in the throne room, proving only his fissility. He looks devious. 

“What show? What do you mean?” 

“You’re not very bright, are you? Let’s cut to the chase. You don’t want to get married yet, and so do I,” Ashton says. 

“You don’t?” Luke asks, not believing his ears, unsure where this thing is going. 

“I don’t. I’m still too young and I have many plans in my life.” 

“But it was King Harry who proposed this marriage arrangement.” 

“My brother always likes to dictate my life. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of him.” 

Luke thinks of his brother. “Yeah. Louis does the same to me. I kind of hate him for it, truth be told.” He looks at the shorter boy. “So why do you still go with this?” 

“As if I can say ‘no’ to the king, Luke. He is my brother. He worked hard for me and made sure I eat three times a day as both our parents are no good imps. He strived to be captain of the royal guards and now, look! He made me the prince! I took a vow that whatever he asks me, I will do it whole-heartedly so to repay this huge debt. But this is marriage we are talking about. This is my freedom. I… I can’t do it.” 

“So do I. What do we do, then?” 

“We cannot just announce outright that we don’t want this marriage. That would mean an insult to their intentions, which is…” 

“Ruining our lives?” 

“Not that. They want to stop the war and make Cameron and Atalanta become one again. I admit, I want that too, just not on my own expense.” 

“Me too.” In that moment, Luke wants to cry in gratitude. Somebody understands him! He’s not being self-centered like what that fat Lawrence says. 

“Does King Louis has any lover at the moment?” Goes Ashton’s question. 

“None that I know of. Why?” 

“So does my brother. He didn’t look at any women or men since Queen Caroline died.” 

A smile breaks off Luke’s face in understanding. Good God. This is all too funny. “You mean, my brother and King Harry marry?” 

Ashton grins. “Why not? What’s stopping them? We all want peace. We all want unity. They said it’s time for Cameron and Atalanta to unite into one kingdom. I think it’s time, too. It’s time for them to stop dictating us on what to do. It’s time for them to settle down with each other.” 

Luke offers his hand. “I’m in.” 

The Cameron prince shakes it. “This task is no humdrum. But this plan is the perfect one, I assure you. They’ll have what they want and we’ll have what we want. We have three months to make this happen.” 

END OF CHAPTER THREE


	4. They Lived In Harmony Until They're Not

The dinner held in honor of the Cameron King and Prince went without a hitch. Prince Luke behaved and it appeared that he had taken a liking to Prince Ashton. Even King Harry is surprised by the friendship Luke and Ashton display. After dinner, the two princes wished to walk the Palace grounds together, causing their brothers’ mouths to drop open. 

King Louis thought that maybe, finally, hopefully, things are going his way. Agreeing with the Cameron King’s request of treaty had been a huge blow to his ego. He’d never thought that the peasant king, who two years ago in a ball questioned Louis’ leadership skills and told him he’s “too pretty to be a king” in front of every other royals, would send a messenger some months ago and gave him this proposition. Louis was ready to go full-blown Operation Destroy the Cameron Kingdom, but alas, he’s proven to be a selfish idiot by this peasant king. Harry, through that messenger, stated that the peasants are the most affected in a continuous war. Harry knew how that feel and he wouldn’t dare insult his roots by participating in the conflict between the two kingdoms. Ditto the peace treaty complete with a proposal of assurance for both Cameron and Atalanta. King Louis would become a bigger idiot if he rejected the proposal. 

And now, they are all here. And King Louis couldn’t have been happier. Records will show that war is solved during his reign. Atalanta is now friends with Cameron. Luke is finally settling (Maybe after this Luke would finally take lessons or finish his education in Gwaine’s Knight School). And Louis will get a sweet and beautiful brother-in-law. All that needs to do now is to wait for three months for the wedding day and Liam James Payne’s disappearance. Don’t get him wrong. He is thankful that Liam is in his best behavior tonight, but being in the same room with the Cheshire cat’s throwaway always unnerves Louis. He knows for a fact they can’t be trusted. 

After dinner, Harry and Louis stay in the grand balcony to watch Ashton and Luke have fun below in the vast flower garden. Sharing a bottle of wine, they feel like proud parents. Zayn, Lawrence and Patrick are with them in the room, doing nothing but wait for the either for the kings to call it a night or give an order. When Louis gives a little yawn, Harry offers to walk him back to his room. Louis rejects the notion. 

“Oh no, Harry. You are the guest. _I_ should walk _you_ back.” 

“I insist, Your Highness. You’re more tired than I am, no doubt. With all of your preparations for our arrival, I appreciate it very much. Your political adviser can accompany me to my room.” 

Zayn stands alert then leads the way for the kings to follow. Upon reaching the door on Louis’ quarters, Harry stops Louis to give him a chaste kiss on the back of his hand. “May God be in favor of our kingdoms’ endeavor,” he says. 

Louis smiles at him. A born-peasant or not, Harry is a gentleman. But his mind brings him back to the time Harry calls him ‘too pretty.’ Louis knew that time that the green-eyed man wanted to compliment his looks but Louis has taken, still takes, it as an insult. It’s as if Louis only pays attention to his appearance than the needs of his people. He doesn’t even care to how he looks, truth be told! 

“Good night, Harry,” he only says and closes his door on him and the sleepy Zayn. 

He paces his room, thoroughly exhausted, when— 

_“Oh, I love you Louis. My Louis! There’s no one like you, oh Louis! I won’t replace you, ever! Oh, Louis. My Louis, you are my life! I looooove you!”_ someone sings –or attempts to sing. 

Louis can’t find his words as his brain momentarily died by the noise he heard. He can only gape at the creature outside his window. 

The Cheshire cat, Niall, is floating/sitting on air, with guitar in hand. 

“You again!” Louis finally shrieks. 

“Me!” Niall laughs. He makes his green guitar disappear. “How are you, love?” he asks with a flirtatious wink. 

“Don’t! Don’t you dare call me ‘love’ and don’t you dare move from there! Go away, Niall!” 

Niall frowns. “Where would I go?” 

“From back to where you came from!” 

Niall gives this a thought. “I don’t think my mother would appreciate it very much if I come flying back to her uterus.” 

“Not that way back! Go back to your homeland or kitty litter of whatever! Just stay away from me!” 

“But you told me not to move from here, didn’t you?” At Louis’ non-response, the cat goes on brightly. “Anyway, did you like my song?” 

“ _That_ was a song? I had thought it was an ant’s war-cry.” 

“You hurt me. I wrote that this morning, you know. I poured my feelings on it.” 

“And now it will haunt me in my dreams. Go away. I need to sleep.” Without further ado, he closes his window and the blinds. So much for wishing for a good day. 

2 

In the gardens, the Princes Luke and Ashton are laughing, having fun. Narrator-less, you, readers, will have to suffer listening to what the hellish crap these two spoiled royals are laughing about. However, since the narrator is here, I would have to cut through all that shit and save you from looking for a gist in their conversation. Basically, they are celebrating their one step to freedom. Their brothers are proven idiots by how much they believed Luke and Ashton got along so well and so early. Why did their brothers think that way? Do they believe in true love, or falling in love in just a day? 

Prince Ashton interrupts Luke’s admittedly ugly laugh, and reminds him what they are in the greenhouse for: brainstorming for Operation Larry. 

It was a long brainstorming session that made Calum and Liam and Iago (who are outside the greenhouse to give the princes privacy) suffer. Calum hates the immediate friendship between Luke and Ashton. Liam hates the mosquitoes flying around and about. Iago likes the mosquitoes cum midnight snacks flying around and about and hates Liam for swatting them away. 

“Step one,” Luke says, “is to get them to notice each other.” 

“That wouldn’t be a problem on my part,” says Ashton. “Harry mentioned before how he finds your brother really pretty.” 

“Nice. Here’s the plan.” Then he whispers to Ashton the plan. 

“Hah, hah, hah,” Ashton laughs when he hears the brilliance of it. 

“Hic, hic, hic,” Luke laughs as he knows the brilliance of his plan. 

“Hah, hah, hah,” Ashton laughs. 

“Hic, hic, hic,” laughs Luke. 

“Hah, hah, hah,” Ashton laughs some more because of how stupid Luke’s laugh is. 

“Hic, hic, hic,” Luke laughs albeit he is now wondering why is Ashton laughing so long and yet he couldn’t stop so it would look like he knows what Ashton is laughing for. 

“Hah, hah, hah!” 

“Hic, hic, hic!” 

“Hah, hah, hah!” 

“Hic, hic, hic!” 

“HAH, HAH, HAH!” 

“HIC, HIC, HIC!” 

This goes on until they call it a night. Calum, Liam and Iago (who heard the cacophony that is their laughter and would surely have a bad dream of it afterwards) are then sent back to their rooms. 

3 

Entering a dramatic turn of events, here comes Zayn about to resign to his quarters. A figure under the moonlight stops him, though. He goes outside to confirm that it is indeed Calum alone in the night, wallowing in self-pity. “The kings and princes have gone for the night. Why are you up so late? You are going to town early tomorrow to accompany the two princes.” 

“Must I be thrilled by it?” 

Zayn knows that Calum must. But he also knows the feelings the manservant harbors for his prince. He is no sadist to beat Calum into revealing this secret out loud and to him. He is not blind. Anyone with a half a brain can see the truth and why it happened. Problem lies in the fact that Luke is too friendly for his own good that causes people around him presume the wrong things. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not their fault that they are led to believe by Luke’s charms. What’s wrong is seeing the illusion and still live in it, even fight for it. Calum just needs to realize nothing good will come up if he keeps pursuing his feelings. Zayn should help him see, but the head political adviser has other things in mind. 

“Come with me,” he tells Calum with haste and leads him in his private quarters inside the castle. It took some time for them to reach it. 

It would be the first time Calum is invited to Zayn’s room – he’s kind of excited by the prospect of it. He’d thought Zayn will give him some advice or make him privy of a conspiracy going on between the brains of Atalanta (for surely King Louis would not agree so easily with Cameron’s proposition – he has to have a hidden agenda or whatever). Instead, when they reach the room, Calum is greeted by dim lighting, old paintings, jars scattered everywhere, skeletons sitting about, bookshelves, a cauldron in the middle – a warlock’s den. 

“You’re a warlock?” Calum asks in disbelief, eyes wide as he takes in his surroundings. 

“Do you think our setting will help me if I say no?” 

“You’re a warlock!” Calum exclaims. “No need to deny!” 

“I’m not denying it. Come sit, you are my first customer after such a long time. It’s late and Iago is still out with the throwaway. We must get to business.” 

Calum is still thinking the who, what, why, when, where, how and which in his mind. And when he sits down on a chair in front Zayn’s table, he tells him, “I can’t believe you’re a magic. Why haven’t you told anyone?” 

“No one asks,” is the easy reply. 

“The King doesn’t know?” 

“The King doesn’t ask.” 

If anyone should read fairy tales, they always encounter beings of magic in the stories: beautiful enchantresses, seductive witches, ugly witches, severely ugly witches, severely seductive witches dressing up as ugly hags for the fun of it. They mingle with ordinary people and one could think; why is that? Don’t they have a land of their own? They have. A small island in the farthest part of the galaxy next to the Genie’s birthplace. But they had to leave because of the poor economy of the place. After all, if all your needs and problems can be solved by magic, what’s left for business to bloom? Zayn is one of those warlocks who migrated in a magic-less place with business in mind. Zayn is also one of those disappointed warlocks when he found out that magic-less people can’t afford the service he can provide. In their world, money comes in the form of a baby seal’s milk teeth, the foreskin of a unicorn’s penis, the tears of a hammerhead shark before it dies, the sweat of a fairy, and fur from Bigfoot’s chest. Now, the witches and warlocks have to live as paupers and make do with a client’s voice, shadow, or their first-born baby (these can be both so cheaply in their world with just a fairy’s sneeze – not really worth a penny in easier terms). 

“This is the first time I’ve encountered a magic. Well, second time if you count the one time a hag approached my mother when she was pregnant with me. She told her I’d be a dashing lad,” Calum says in present time. “So you’ve been pretending to be a political adviser the whole time?” 

“In case you haven’t noticed, I am really a political adviser. We’re talking about you, yeah? You want the prince to fall in love with you.” 

“Yes,” Calum says with such sadness. “Can you help me?” 

“Of course. What did I reveal my identity for if not helping you? I’m not about to sing how you are a poor, unfortunate soul. It’s obvious that you are a doomed, poor, unfortunate soul with no one to turn to.” He produces a set of tarot cards from his cloak and starts shuffling them. Calum can only look at him in fascination. Zayn spreads them on the table and makes Calum choose three. Zayn reads the chosen cards. 

“Here are the facts of the present: the prince does not look at you that way; he only sees you as his brother he wishes to have because his _own_ brother treats him bad. Not the way you like it, no? Truth hurts, yes? The future says Luke will never know your feelings and you will be trapped. In three years, Luke will finally convince Louis to adopt you as their brother and you will look after his and Ashton’s babies. I am seeing they have plenty – Ashton is very fertile.” 

“How can that happen?! They’re both males!” 

“Hmmm… it’s this color green I see that makes the impossible possible.” 

“Green? And what does that mean?” 

“Probably money. Here the third card states the _alternative_. What this card shows is the future that you can have with the little help of my magic. In this I see you and Luke are having your happy ever after in a mountainside cabin outside the kingdom. It is a simple life, but the life you are longing for nonetheless. Luke is a woodcutter in this life and you tend the house. And his love for you here will last until the end of time.” 

“Do we have a child?” 

“None, I’m afraid. Neither of you are fertile. But the orphanage is very open.” 

“What else? Why are we in a cabin?” 

“Louis banished the both of you since Luke ruined the engagement. He will also curse you until the very end of his life.” 

“Oh, how sad. What will happen to the peace treaty, then? Tell me, will there be a war? What do you see? Tell me all of it.” 

“Hmmm… oh, here it is. Ashton will leave Cameron heartbroken and will try to live the rest of his days as a hermit. Instead, he will find a magical gateway and become known as Boba Fett and that shouldn’t matter because Disney owns Star Wars now. Don’t look at me like that. I’m just reading what the card says, doesn’t mean I know what the card is talking about.” He clears his throat. “King Harry will be insulted by Luke’s previous actions but rest assured he won’t attack Atalanta. He will only abduct Louis to be his personal massager – now _that_ is sad. He won’t marry anyone and that will cause rumors to erupt between him and his massager so Harry will have to kill all his subjects. Afterwards, he and Louis will go to a trip to Oz where they will have a good long round of angry sex. This will offend a green ugly hopeless romantic witch and she will put a curse on them; one becomes a flamingo and the other a crocodile. 

“The Cheshire cat will get angry that Louis got away so he will turn all the citizens of Atalanta into mice then eat all of them. Sir Patrick will escape; he will swim the seven seas and he will find Lilliput and become the king’s seventh concubine. He’s crossed by that but at least he’s happy that he didn’t turn into a mouse. He will even send Niall a book of mice recipes. Aiden and Elizabeth will return to make things right but Niall will turn him to a bucket of ice and her to a chocolate drink – he is very hot and thirsty that time. 

“The fate of Atalanta will lie on Lawrence’s greasy hands. For the people of Atalanta to turn back to normal, he must find King Arthur’s sword and struck Niall with it before the cat dies of high cholesterol. Only when Niall is slain with King Arthur’s sword will the curse to Atalanta be broken. And that is as impossible as Liam finding his way home. Yes, the throwaway has a role in this.” 

“And that is?” 

“Prophecies… coincidences… the writings on the moon… If Liam finds his way home, Lawrence will find the sword and defeat Niall the Tyrant.” 

“Can Liam do it?” 

“Haven’t you been listening? I said it’s impossible!” 

“What will happen to Liam and Lawrence? How about you? What will happen to you and Iago?” 

“Hmmm… Liam will give up trying to make Niall notice him and his dilemma. He will make Atalanta his home. He will produce a song that goes _‘Ring a ring a rosie, a pocketful of poesies. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.’_ That song will become a massive hit and will give him lots of money. He and Niall will become very good friends after sharing a rather juicy group of mice – it’s your clan, Calum, I’m afraid. Because Liam is rich, Niall will also be rich. They will fly to Wonderland. With their money, they will buy the Wonderlanders’ trust so they can overthrow the Queen. Then they will become real evil dictators and they won’t die because they just bought immortality hence they become real evil dictators for all of eternity. As for Lawrence, he will die trying by – who cares, at least he dies. But, damn it. He didn’t die in my hands? Oh well. It says Iago and I will find Liam’s world and in his world I will become a famous movie star and win a best actor award for a zombie/action/musical film called _From Dusk Till Dawn_. Then my career will go downhill after I got caught up in a sex scandal with Jennifer Lawrence and Tom Cruise. Meanwhile Iago will be featured in a show called _America’s Funniest Videos_ – I don’t know what any of these means anymore.” He throws the cards away. “If you are ready for these consequences (how dare you if you are; the future sucks), then sign this contract.” He pulls a paper and a pen from under the table. It says, 

_To the grand jury,_

_This is an official receipt for Zayn Jawaad Malik’s services. I am happy to be given this service and I’ve given the payment without a heavy heart. I adhere by WarWitch Corp’s motto: No return, no exchange. Signed,_

A blank space. 

“Sign this if you wish to see that future you want. Though it’s rather grim for me and the others, I know deep in your heart you don’t care long as you can have Luke.” It’s not as if Zayn can’t do anything to make his alternative future better. 

Ashamed but Calum still nods determinedly. “So I just sign this and all you said will come true?” 

“Well, I would have to brew you a love potion first.” 

“A love potion?! So it’s not true love?” 

“Are you truly not listening? In reality, Luke only sees you as a brother. Of course you’ll need a love potion to have your happy ever after. Do we have a deal or no?” 

“What shall I pay you? It says I have to pay you something.” 

“I would very much like it if you have Bigfoot’s chest fur but since I know you can’t afford that well… your whimper from your first lovemaking with Luke should suffice.” 

“How do I—oh forget it. Save me from the headache. I’ll figure it out when I get there.” With that, he grabs the pen and signs the receipt. 

Without anymore ado, Zayn gathers the needed ingredients for the love potion. He faces his cauldron and then starts singing: 

_“Lizard's tail_  
_Dew in the night_  
_Silent night_  
_Sunlight_  
_A drop of mermaid's tear_

_“The shadow of dead people_  
_The pain of living people_  
_The joy of darkness_  
_The madness of light_  
_Let us become one_  
_Let's engulf ourselves in a beautiful lace_

_“(Altadimana Cinqadimana)_  
_By an edge of the shadow_  
_I'm pulled into darkness_  
_I gave a scream_  
_(Altadimana Cinqadimana)_  
_I'm crazy because of the Silence_  
_Aquarion, Aquarion”*_

Zayn takes a flask and collects some of the mixture with it. He covers the flask and gives this to the still-astounded Calum. 

“A drop of this in his drink will make him fall deliriously in love with you. More than a drop and it will take away his life. I will come to you when Luke has declared his love. If you haven’t given me your whimper from your first lovemaking, it’s your life I will take.” 

Calum goes back to his quarters, both happy and confused. Happy that he will have Luke; sad that his evil loathsome family should be found a very delicious treat by the Cheshire cat. 

4 

_“Oh, I love you Louis. My Louis! There’s no one like you, oh Louis! I won’t replace you, ever! Oh, Louis. My Louis, you are my life! I looooove you!”_

Liam looks thoughtful. Niall had come to his room and asked him to listen to the song he had prepared for Louis and asked him what was wrong in it. Despite being tired as he had just come home after following Luke and Ashton in their night affairs and getting rid of Iago which is no easy task, he knows he can’t get rid of Niall until the cat is satisfied. 

“You see, I kind of understand why Louis didn’t like it. Your lyrics are god awful and you sounded like a dying cat.” 

Niall is displeased as well upset. “I wanted to be direct in my lyrics. Help me! I want to impress Louis!” 

“With singing? I do think it’s not one of your best assets. Can’t you think of any other way?” 

“Can _you_ think of any other way?” 

“Fair point.” 

“You did a poor job anyway. I instructed you to keep a lookout on Harry and what did I find when I came back from Neverland?” 

“Neverland! How are the fairies?” 

“Jealous creatures as ever. What did I find when I came back from Neverland? Harry and Louis sharing a wine!” 

“I would like to fly to Neverland. Can’t you take me there instead of this place which I don’t know what movie it’s referencing?” 

“Harry and Louis sharing a wine!” 

“Did they? Oh, it’s for politics, Niall.” 

“Harry walked Louis to his room and kissed the back of Louis’ hand.” 

“Did he? How sweet.” 

Niall threw Liam’s phone at him, causing the latter to wince in pain. “You shouldn’t think of it as sweet! It should be me and Louis! We are Team Nouis, remember that!” 

“Fine, fine,” Liam, who is Team Larry underneath, says. 

“Now… do you know how to write a song? I need to up my game. I’ll come back to him later.” 

“Later?! It’s late, Ni. I need to sleep. Can’t we do this the next night instead?” 

“No can do. I’ve been listening to the council’s plans. They said, aside from the princes, the kings will go downtown tomorrow for a show. Hear that? Harry will steal the spotlight from me again, and Louis will notice him because he’s such a fine creature. Now, teach me how to write a song!” A considerable pause. “Do you know how to?” 

“I’ve written some for school projects. One of ‘em’s called _Strip That Down_.” 

“Sounds dirty. Strip what down?” 

“ _That_!” 

“What? If you’re going to be bloody metaphoric and philosophical with what your song really means, I would straight up bludgeon you. Being direct works well for me.” 

Liam gets a pen and paper. “Okay. I get that. But you just can’t say ‘I love you’ a thousand times to Louis. Trust me, you’ll sound like a broken record and Louis will look high and low for a room with soft walls just to get away from you. No, you have to cover it up with flowery words somehow. Like… like how the writers make fables to cover up moral lessons, or Jesus with his parables. It’s all about the packaging that sells.” 

Niall is nodding. 

“So, when you want to say ‘I love you’, you could say… uh… ‘When the whole world’s watching, I’d still dance with you.’ When you want to say ‘I’ll be here for you’, say ‘Stop your crying, it’s the sign of the times’. If you want to say ‘I miss you’, sing instead… ‘Shit, maybe I miss you.’” 

“I get it,” Niall says brightly. 

“Good. Now, what things do you want to say to your dear king?” Liam readies his paper. 

“Umm… that I’m truly thankful when he saved me when I was a kitten; he made my lonely life lovely… that I honed my magic skills and became stronger just for him but I’m ready to give my magic up and be a human if he so desires just so we could be together… that I don’t want him to leave me… that I want to be with him until the end of time… that we’re meant for each other and that I love him!” 

“Uh-huh, uh-huh.” Liam scribbles for some time. When he looks up, there’s a tinge of pride in his eyes. “I think we got it.” 

5 

An hour before breakfast, Louis is awakened by a strumming of guitar outside his window. 

“Not again,” he says to himself. Blearily, he walks his way to his window with a bucket of water in hand. He opens it, and Niall sings: 

_“I put my ear against your back and held you._  
_My body is kind of like a borderline, a hindrance._  
_It's as if you're going to go somewhere._

_“But if I keep them in, such feelings will tear me apart._  
_want to get closer and closer to you_  
_In a world that's no more than three meters away from you._

_“Taking turns pumping the pedals_  
_Passing over bowing sunflowers_  
_Taking in the steady wind, yeah, as if we could fly._  
_For the first time, I felt your heat._  
_I want to be stronger than anyone else!_  
_With warm rhythm_  
_Two hearts beating as one_

“ _Lip to lip, eye to eye, hand in hand._  
_God doesn't forbid anything at all._  
_I love you. I love you. I love you._

_“I haven't learned my lesson yet;_  
_But an adult wouldn't understand._  
_It's painful and distressing,_  
_Wanting to show you my feelings; feels like I'm gonna burst._  
_I'm looking the other way, waiting, so_  
_Take the hand that's hesitating in your pocket_  
_And touch my cheek._  
_Put a spell on me with loving power._

_“We always took the long way home together._  
_The sky seeming to overflow bitter orange_  
_Sort of happy and sad_

_“Why were we born?_  
_We're one-half of each other, right?_  
_I try thinking by myself, but_  
_As I expected I'm not very good at it._

_“I envied the strong person who was able to throw_  
_A ball so far that it went out of sight,_  
_And wanted to become a boy._  
_Softly, like calm water_  
_I want to be stronger than anyone else!_  
_Like when I was small_  
_Isn't it strange, my tears are falling._

_“Lip to lip, eye to eye, hand in hand._  
_The same entity, feeling the same thing._  
_I love you. I love you. I love you._

_“I haven't learned my lesson yet;_  
_But an adult wouldn't understand._  
_Even though I was told I wouldn't be able to reach,_  
_Right now, I just want to jump!_  
_I'll give you a bye-bye kiss,_  
_The distance of the final step,_  
_So hold me even more,_  
_As if to keep the sun from setting._

_“We watched the lone sun setting together, just the two of us._  
_It was absolutely beautiful._  
_It's just somehow I can't say it, somehow it's not enough._

_“On the day when this world explodes,_  
_Just like Nostradamus predicted,_  
_I want to become one with you!_ _With warm rhythm_  
_Two hearts beating as one_

_“Lip to lip, eye to eye, hand in hand_  
_God doesn't forbid anything at all._  
_I love you. I love you. I love you._

_“I haven't learned my lesson yet;_  
_But an adult wouldn't understand._  
_It's frustrating and distressing,_  
_Wanting to show you my feelings; feels like I'm gonna burst._  
_I'm looking the other way, waiting, so_  
_Take the hand that's hesitating in your pocket_  
_And touch my cheek._  
_Put a spell on me with loving power,_  
_As if to keep the sun from setting.”**_

The bucket stays in Louis’ hand. What is this feeling? Oh heaven almighty, no! No! He’s impressed and touched by Niall’s words and that is unacceptable. He’s worn himself to celibacy and take his virginity to his grave. 

Niall looks hopeful. “Good morning, sweetheart!” 

Since Louis’ brain processors are still on strike and some are still sleeping, he greets Niall back quite amiably. 

“What’s that water for?” 

“For you. I’d wanted to throw this to you. Good God, I was thinking cruel things before I heard you sing.” 

“Did you like it?” 

“Liked it?! I—” Louis catches himself. No way he’s going to admit he quite liked it. He clears his throat. “You woke me up just for that? When my mind’s still groggy?” 

Niall frowns. “When is a better time then?” 

“Errr… tonight. Come back later tonight. My mind will become clear then, I can judge your performance better.” 

“Oh!” Niall tumbles in the air in happiness. “I will! I will! Good morning, Louis! Have a good day!” 

Despite himself, Louis has to smile at Niall’s happiness. “Alright. Go on then.” 

“I’ll go home with your smile on my heart!” 

“Go home?” 

“To Neverland!” 

“What is that? Where is that?” 

“Second star to the right and straight on ‘til morning.” Niall gasps as a thought strikes him. “I’ll teach you how to fly… tonight! Then we’ll go to Neverland together and be happy! Goodbye, my love! ‘Til tonight do us part!” And he disappears into a wisp of green smoke. 

Louis walks to breakfast with a shit-eating grin on his face. Of course, Zayn notices it and he consults his cards again. 

The Cheshire cat and the throwaway did something that throws the balance of the earth, according to the cards. Will it affect the future? Oh yes, but not much. It only says Calum will babysit seven children instead of five. 

How about the alternative future that Calum and Zayn can make with the love potion? Very tricky, but here it goes: Luke will become fertile and will bear three children whose first cries on earth is ‘hic, hic, hic’; Ashton will be a Sith Lord; Sir Patrick will meet Sinbad the Sailor instead; Harry and Louis are still going to be a flamingo and a crocodile but this time a Japanese man will commission them for a manga he’s making called _One Piece_ ; Niall will read that manga and he won’t like it so he will ruin its TV adaptation; Lawrence will meet Sleeping Beauty and he will find his happy ever after; Zayn will still be an actor, will genuinely compliment Emma Watson’s beauty and too bad that shit ain’t right with feminazis and SJWs will call him a misogynistic pig who objectifies women, so his career turns to Adam Sandler-route; Iago will run and be elected as the next dictator of North Korea, and; Liam will meet Gigi ‘The Ice Queen’ Hadid and they will be on a mission to complete the splinters from the evil troll’s broken magic mirror. 

Liam will meet Gigi. 

_Liam will meet Gigi!_

Zayn must find Calum and stop him from using the love potion. Things will go from bad to worse from here and Zayn, who had only wanted to be a successful businessman, must stand up to be everyone’s hero. 

END OF CHAPTER FOUR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I’m very uninspired as of the moment. Lyrics used are the English translations of Yui Makino’s Omna Magni by festivewind and Makoto Kawamoto’s ½ by Martin Cooney and Takayama Miyuki which I’ve gotten from these links: *(https://solar-aquarion.livejournal.com/1564.html) **(http://www.animelyrics.com/jpop/kawamoto/hanbun.htm). Yes, dear folks, I’m too lazy to come up with songs of my own. I’m not a composer, mind you.


End file.
